Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage, the more likely you are to have a successful one. Therefore, it is incumbent upon you to give serious consideration to your expectations of your fiancé. Are they realistic? Are they fair?

Far too many couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations of the marriage and of each other. In more marriages than we would choose to believe, couples inability to meet the other's expectations resulted in the marriage's premature demise.

Here are 4 don'ts that if adhered to will avert a lot of discord and emotional turmoil in the marriage and help to make your marriage a satisfying one.

1) Don't expect your partner to be able to read your mind. It is unfair, unrealistic and nescient. Some people get an attitude and break marital harmony because they did not get the "gift" they expected or wanted, yet they did not communicate this to their spouse. Our minds are too complex and changing for anyone to know what we are thinking. TELL your partner what you want or be open to accepting whatever is given you in the spirit in which it is given. Of course, this is not only in regards to the material but to behaviors as well. Let your partner know what your expectations are. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

2) Don't think you are going to have a "perfect" marriage. To do so is to set yourself up for an enormous let-down. There is no such thing. How can anyone expect a perfect marriage when there is no perfect person? You are as imperfect as your intended wife or husband. If a person was inane enough to try to do everything you wanted them to do and behave exactly as you dictated, you would still have an imperfect marriage and one does not have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why.

3) Don't believe your partner can make you happy. Come on now. Wake up and smell the coffee. No one has the power to make us happy. This is something we can only do for ourselves and it is a choice. For example, let's say your new husband/wife decided to cook a special meal for you with all the trimmings. You are both surprised and delighted. Now, did he/she make you happy? NO. You made yourself happy. How? In recognizing his/her thoughtfulness in going through the trouble of creating this meal, you chose to appreciate what was done for you which had a positive affect and you felt "happy." Take the same scenario only this time you are displeased. You don't like what was cooked and think your spouse should have "known" this and you choose to display an attitude of disapproval. Negative feelings are evoked and what was intended to be pleasant turns ugly. Did your spouse make you unhappy? NO. You made yourself unhappy. How? By chosing to be non-appreciative and negative in your thinking which resulted in a negative affect, "unhappiness or displeasure." In other words, how each individual choose to interpret events, behaviors, communications determines how each individual will "feel". Negative feelings cannot be produced by positive thoughts.

4) Don't be on police stake-out patrol. No human wants to feel they are being watched 24/7 or need to give an account for every place they go or justify for everything they do. Nor do they want you following them like a shadow. No couple want their partner with them all the time. We all need space to grow, space to share with others, space to be alone. Don't expect your partner to want to do everything with you. If you have trust issues, deal with it BEFORE you say "I Do."

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, will be available in July.

---

Bachelor Party Planning - The Ultimate Weekend Trip with the Guys

Rounding up the guys to devour some barbecued red meat... Read More

Discount Wedding Dresses ? Elegance and Style that Won?t Blow Your Budget!

If you're planning your wedding day then you'll be all... Read More

Wedding Flowers -- Determining What You Need

Wedding flowers make up a large part of the wedding... Read More

Choosing Your Wedding Rings

One of the most important steps in planning your wedding,... Read More

2005 Mother Of Bride Dress

A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More

Toss a Garter or Two

The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More

Bridal Shower Games Are Extremely Fun!

Bridal shower games are a wonderful way to put your... Read More

Why You Should Buy that Wedding Gift from the Gift Registry - OR, the Wedding Gifts from Hell!

When you come to choose a wedding gift it's no... Read More

Getting Great Deals on the Wedding Clothes

If you are planning to have a full wedding that... Read More

The Most Important Things In Marriage

When it comes to marriage, there are things that you... Read More

Ten Ways to Have an Irish Wedding

Honor your Emerald Isle heritage with traditions that are romantic,... Read More

Wedding Videos... What To Do

Bless the bride... and God help the video maker. True.... Read More

The Second Time - Another White Wedding?

That first wedding was a dream, a gorgeous long white... Read More

Dallas Wedding Receptions

The most important day of your life is drawing near... Read More

Making a Budget For Your Wedding

Just the thought of all the expenses that come with... Read More

Hawaii Honeymoon Vacations - Romanticizing Your Honeymoon!

Hawaii honeymoon vacations could take you to a miracle trip... Read More

Wedding Insurance ? Peace of Mind for Your Perfect Day?

With the average cost of a wedding around £17,000 you... Read More

Celtic Wedding Rituals -- Tying the knot

One of the most elegant rituals you can choose for... Read More

Men?s Wedding Rings - Should a Man Wear One or Not?

Strange as it may seem the use of a wedding... Read More

Dressing Your Bridesmaids

For a bride, shopping for bridesmaid dresses can be one... Read More

Anniversary Gift Ideas: Sweet and Sexy Speaks Volumes

There are many great options to consider for letting your... Read More

Get Fantastic Deals on Catering for Your Wedding

When it comes to your catering services for your wedding,... Read More

Flowers in Her Hair

Before George W Bush became a President, John Quincy Adams... Read More

What Is A Destination Wedding Favor?

Have you heard of destination wedding favors? I haven't either,... Read More

Should You Send Save the Date Notices To Your Guests?

You've probably heard about Save the Dates since they have... Read More

Marriage A Menace

Apparently for a person to get married is like burning... Read More

Family Law

A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 8

To paraphrase a song, "Are you doing it more, but... Read More

Free Wedding Planning Guide and Checklist

With so much to do, every bride needs a surefire... Read More

Maui: A Prime Wedding Destination

Most visitors to Hawaii would agree that Maui is the... Read More

Is Your Marriage Sinking?

Reading this article does not necessarily mean that if you... Read More

Fiji Honeymoon Vacations

If you are looking forward to a vacation of attractive... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Map for Your Marriage

Have you ever been lost?My favorite line about being lost... Read More