How You Answer This Question Can Change Your Marriage

Imagine the following scenario. Your spouse has given you an important letter to mail and is counting on you to mail it on your way to work. But you slip up...you forget all about it until you're on the way home. "Oh, #$@!!" is your first reaction. You know the spouse will be upset.

You frantically search the car and your briefcase for the letter, but it's gone. You can't find it anywhere. Now what do you do? What will you tell your spouse when you get home and he (or she) asks you if you mailed the letter?

Will you say, "It got lost" or will you say, "I lost it"? Your answer to this question gives insight into your willingness to accept responsibility for your actions. According to Sidney J. Harris, "We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until ...we have stopped saying 'It got lost,' and say 'I lost it.'"

As long as you avoid taking responsibility for your actions or you look for reasons to avoid admitting you goofed, you're not being honest with yourself. When you accept responsibility and stop rationalizing and blaming, then you can start to focus on what you can do differently that will produce different results next time.

This is not easy to do. Especially if you're in the habit of placing blame elsewhere. Accepting responsibility in a marriage takes courage, above all when a spouse is at fault.

Mark, a long-time procrastinator, always had a list of reasons why he hadn't been able to get around to doing the house maintenance chores. It was too cold or too hot, he was too tired,or he didn't have the right tools or enough time. He would always promise to do the chores another day. Mark's behavior greatly irritated his wife Anne,and she began to resent his constant excuses.

It wasn't until Anne expressed her dissatisfaction with their marriage, giving Mark's habitual procrastination as one of the reasons,that Mark really looked closely at how his behavior was hurting his marriage relationship. In marriage counseling sessions, he learned to take responsibility for his part in what happened each day. He also learned to pay attention to the words he selected to describe what happened.

Mark learned that when he said, "There wasn't enough time to fix the faucet," he often really meant, "I didn't schedule enough time to complete the job today." And if he went a step further and was even more honest, he also meant,"I don't really want to do this, so I'm putting it off."

Once Mark was more aware of his behavior patterns, he was able to have an honest talk with Anne. He told her that while he didn't mind doing some of the repair jobs, he really didn't want to have to spend the time the others would require. They talked it over and decided to hire someone to do the repairs Mark knew he would in all probability never get around to doing. He made a resolution not to make promises unless he really planned to keep them. He also resolved to be honest with Anne upfront instead of dragging things out for months.

These changes made a major difference in Mark and Anne's relationship. Anne didn't feel like "the nagging wife" any longer, and Mark didn't mislead her by making false promises. Less friction in the marriage allowed them time to focus on each other's good points and to enjoy more harmony in their relationship.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

---

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon. Article No.2

Ah! It's the wedding night. You've cut the cake, drank... Read More

Are You Fully Present in Your Marriage?

"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes.... Read More

10 Secrets to a Successful Stress-Free Wedding

Your wedding is supposed to be the most important day... Read More

An Ethical Alternative to the Conspicuous Excess of the Average Wedding

Many happy couples are turning their backs on the traditional... Read More

Whats in a Greek Wedding?

The wedding service in the Greek Orthodox faith is an... Read More

7 Stupid Wedding Mistakes Even Smart Couples Make

"What in the world could they have been thinking?"Definitely words... Read More

Marriage Counseling: What Do Husbands Really Want in a Wife?

Because many men do not discuss feelings as easily as... Read More

Anniversary Gift Guide

An anniversary gift is the opportunity to show your loved... Read More

Minor But Important Duties For Your Wedding Party, Bridesmaids, and Groomsmen

Your wedding party is a major factor in the success... Read More

Mens Moissanite Wedding Rings, or Is Moissanite a Mans Best Friend?

As mens wedding rings become more and more popular mens... Read More

How to Recognize and Cope with an Emotional Affair

Did you know that an emotional affair can be just... Read More

Wedding Loans: Perfect Finance Option for a Perfect Wedding

After seeing each other for years and being tagged as... Read More

Wife Smarter Than Husband?

Is it safe for a wife to be smarter than... Read More

A Tale of Two Weddings

In the next six months, my... Read More

Irreversible

My husband had two affairs last year. I am pretty... Read More

Planning Your Wedding Reception

Great deals can be found when you know how much... Read More

Wedding Reception Entertainment - Choose Wisely

When planning your wedding, what type of entertainment are you... Read More

The Second Time - Another White Wedding?

That first wedding was a dream, a gorgeous long white... Read More

Wedding Day Hair Styles - A Top Ten Checklist

The big day is fast approaching, and the energy of... Read More

Tahiti Honeymoon Resorts: Fun-tastic Experience

Tahiti honeymoon resorts are the best places you could think... Read More

Unique Wedding Reception Entertainment

The typical wedding reception entertainment scheme of pretty flowers and... Read More

Bora Bora Honeymoon Vacations

Poets, sailors, honeymooners and other romantics have officially declared this... Read More

Star Jones Nuptials: Fairytale Wedding or Diva Gone Wild?

In case you've been living on another planet for the... Read More

Nevada Wedding Laws

While you may be headed to Las Vegas for a... Read More

How To Fight Cultural Differences In Marriage And Stay Happy

When people plan to marry, they expect to find in... Read More

Affordable Centerpieces for Your Wedding Reception

When it comes to decorating your reception tables, the centerpieces... Read More

Love Connections - How Wonderful They Are

I've been noticing a few things lately that a few... Read More

Saving Money on Photography for Your Wedding

Weddings are momentous occasions to all people involved; especially the... Read More

Doing Things Your Own Way

No one said that you had to follow the rule... Read More

Common Format Of A Wedding Reception

The following article can be copied but you must keep... Read More

Prescription for a Happy Marriage

Prescription for a happy marriage: one cup of tea or... Read More

Should You Wear White?

White is traditionally a symbol of purity and as it... Read More

Rose Petals Add The Perfect Touch For A Wedding

Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or... Read More