New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages

Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage.

The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive.

These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse's efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don't love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal.

According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it's when things aren't going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life."

This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what's right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects.

The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It's something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past.

According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis."

The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship."

According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness.

Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

---

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the... Read More

The Marriage Test

Love should not blind a couple to the realities of... Read More

Are Wedding Decorations Waiting in Your Future?

If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon. Article No.2

Ah! It's the wedding night. You've cut the cake, drank... Read More

The Runaway Brides ( & Grooms)

The 1999 Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride' is about a... Read More

Grooming for the Groom

The big day is not all about the bride; the... Read More

6 Ways to Save Money on Wedding Invitations

Inviting your possible guests on your wedding day can be... Read More

Marriage Advice: Seven Marriage Myths You Can?t Afford to Ignore

If you're like most people, you probably entered into marriage... Read More

Rose Petals Add The Perfect Touch For A Wedding

Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or... Read More

Balance - Wedding Budget Blues

Let's think about what goes into your wedding budget. Your... Read More

Fun Dating Ideas to Spice up Your Marriage

One of the best benefits of marriage is that you... Read More

Nine Ways to Save Money on Wedding Photography

Weddings are memorable events couples and their families want to... Read More

Is Your Heart Set On An Antique Engagement Ring?

As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular;... Read More

All that Glitters?Something Old, Something New...

Brides through the ages have accessorized with wedding jewelry to... Read More

Cheap Wedding Party Gifts

Thanking your wedding party with special gifts is a favored... Read More

Marriage Problems: Help in Preventing Them

When we want to be successful at something in life,... Read More

Unique Mens Wedding Bands; For When Common Won?t Do

Wedding rings are a symbol of union. A union between... Read More

Your Wedding Countdown

This is intended as a guide to help you plan... Read More

28 Things That Really Do Matter In Marriage (Short Shots On Living An Exceptional Life)

In my opinion, these things matter...1. Valuing commitment over instant... Read More

Invitation Anatomy 101 - Optional Components II - Part 3 of 3

Almost there! This is the third lesson of my "Invitation... Read More

What Has Worked For Us (Brief Reflections On Enjoying 36 Years Of Marriage)

WHAT HAS WORKED FOR USBrief Reflections On Enjoying 36 Years... Read More

Displaying Your Wedding Bouquet

The great day has come and gone, and you are... Read More

Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage,... Read More

Planning Weddings on a Budget

Planning as early as possible for your wedding is the... Read More

Wedding Dresses - What To Wear

You have begun to plan your wedding and you want... Read More

New Trends for Wedding Favors 2005

Wedding favors have evolved over time. Wedding favors today combine... Read More

Emotional Infidelity: A KEY Tactic to Save the Marriage

Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone... Read More

Wedding Reception Made for You

No matter how well you plan all the aspects of... Read More

Outdoor Wedding Ceremonies ? Keeping Your Guest Comfortable

According to a survey conducted in 2003 by Bride's magazine,... Read More

Atlanta Wedding Receptions

The beginning of the journey of two souls begins with... Read More

Free Wedding Planning Guide and Checklist

With so much to do, every bride needs a surefire... Read More

5 Tips To Select The Best Wedding Reception Location

Being disc jockeys, we get the opportunity to evaluate many... Read More

Save Money on Your Wedding Dress

Your wedding is quite possibly the most important day of... Read More