Resolve Differences

Resolving conflict doesn't come easily to too many people. Most of us want harmonious relationships and smooth interpersonal interactions. However, we know that disagreements and conflicts are part of any dynamic organization. They arise because people care about their jobs and want to produce good results. Conflict is not always negative, however. Sometimes it should be encouraged when discussion and debate can generate creative, innovative approaches to issues or decisions. Conflict is beneficial when the focus is on finding the best solution. However, conflict is unproductive when it fails to produce mutually satisfying solutions or when it becomes personal in nature.

When you are involved in a conflict yourself, consider these ideas:

· Depersonalize the conflict. Catch yourself when you begin to fall into the trap of believing that the other person is deliberately trying to make a situation difficult.

· At the beginning of resolving differences or conflict, clearly sate your desire to find a solution that will work for all involved.

· Build on areas of agreement before you address areas of difference.

· Remember to listen first and talk second. Ask open-ended questions to draw others out and to encourage them to talk about the conflict.

· Try to arrive at a common goal around which everyone involved can focus, and agree to work through areas of disagreement. In other words, don't agree to outcome that you will not support. Surface reservations that you have and talk with the other person until you can agree on a course of action.

· Dig for understanding without implying criticism.

· Focus on common ground issues and interests of both sides. Find a "win" for all affected parties and avoid entrenched positions.

· Identify specific behaviors in concrete terms and explain the tangible outcomes they have, so that the other person can more easily appreciate the nature of the difficulty.

· Rely on facts instead of judgments or inferences to help you avoid giving feedback that becomes personal.

· Have a goal in mind, a purpose for the meeting or discussion.

Remember to put it in once sentence that attacks the problem, not the person. Secondary issues can divert or confuse matters. However, when you concentrate on accomplishing tasks and the required behaviors for getting the job done, you won't be distracted. Ask yourself, "What is my goal in saying this?" Focus your attention on achieving that primary goal and forget the personal agendas. Keep the outcome in mind. Do you want the person to get angry, or do you want him to start fixing the problem? Maintaining a helpful attitude will keep the other person comfortable and motivated to work with you to solve the problem.

Sometimes the boss is not directly involved in the conflict. Instead, one or more of his or her direct reports are experiencing some problems. When this happens, the first rule is to stay out of it, if you can. Jumping in to fix things may work in the short term, but in the long term, you won't have created anything better. When one of the people involved approaches you and vents, the first thing you can try is to listen empathically. Then, when the direct report finishes explaining the situation, you can ask simply, "What would you like me to do with this information?" Usually the answer will be "Nothing." However, if it isn't, weight carefully whether you should step in. Usually, there should only be two people involved in the conflict. Any more, and things get really ugly and complicated. Encourage the people to resolve things themselves.

However, sometimes you just can't stay out of a disagreement. When productivity starts to suffer or morale is compromised, something has to be done sooner rather than later. If both of the people involved agree that they can't work things out between themselves, the boss needs to get involved.

A beginning strategy is to have both people meet with you to discuss the plan for resolving their differences. But instead of hashing things out right then, invite the participants to fill out some pre-work. This will help you gather the information that will be essential to getting to the core of the trouble. One way to gather this information is to ask each person involved in the disagreement to answer these questions before the actual meeting occurs:

1. What do you consider to be the main barriers to objective and constructive candor as you prepare for this meeting?

2. How can these barriers be eliminated or lowered?

3. What other problems must be resolved before you begin to tackle this problem?

4. Describe the overall nature of your present on-the-job relationship with the other person. How productive is it?

5. How would you describe what an ideal working relationship would be?

6. What have you done to cause the current conflict?

7. What resolution have you attempted?

8. What has the other person done to contribute to the current conflict?

9. What attempts has he or she made at resolution?

10. What major obstacles stand in the way of making this relationship ideal? (Be candid and objective.)

· What obstacles do you introduce?
· What obstacles does the other person introduce?

11. What can be done to eliminate these barriers?

12. What other factors or people inhibit the relationship being ideal?

13. What benefits would accrue if the relationship were improved?

· Benefits to you
· Benefits to other person
· Benefits to organization

14. What adverse consequences might ensue if the relationship is not improved?

· Consequences to you
· Consequences to other person
· Consequences to organization

15. What can be done to improve the relationship so that the benefits are realized and the adverse consequences averted?

· What can you do?
· What can the other person do?
· What can others do?

After the participants have answered the above questions independently of each other, they will be ready to meet with each other discuss their answers. Let them try to do it alone to see if they can. If they can't, have another meeting with you there.

This can be a slow painstaking process, but it works. When each person is taking a turn reading answers to the other and then discussing the answers, volatile outbursts are unlikely. This technique requires time and patience, but it tends to be more successful than the "bandaid" approach.

Conclusion

Effective communication is at the heart of all human activity, and bosses who excel in it also take great strides in developing their people and keeping the stars in the organization. Increasingly, an organization's competitive advantage depends on people, especially on creative, innovative people. Successful organizations must develop, sustain, and market high levels of innovation throughout their infrastructures if they want to maintain their industry leadership. To encourage the pace of this sort of initiative, leaders can no longer rely on a few key individuals to develop creative solutions. Instead, bosses who want to attract, retain, and develop a pool of talented thinkers must know ways to encourage each person's contributions. Effective communication is that way.

Dr. Linda Henman speaks from experience. For more than 25 years, she has helped military organizations, small businesses, and Fortune 500 Companies turn things around by getting the right people in the right place doing the right thing.

Linda holds a Bachelor of Science in communication, two Master of Arts degrees in both interpersonal communication and organization development, and a Ph.D. in organizational systems. By combining her experience as an organizational psychologist with her education in business, she offers her clients assessment, coaching, consulting, and training solutions that are pragmatic in their approach and sound in their foundation. Specializing in assessment for selection, promotion, and development, Linda helps organizations improve their succession and retention initiatives and teaches people to become the boss that no one wants to leave.

---

Planning a Productive Retreat

What value is there in leadership or team-building retreats? Just... Read More

Effective Meetings by Phone - Part 1, How to Plan a Teleconference

Teleconferences can be a boon or a bust. On the... Read More

Ten Steps to Take the Work out of Work ? Replicate Yourself!

They say that management can be a lonely place. A... Read More

Top 5 Services Your Company?s Accounting Department Should Outsource

Accounting is one area which every company has to maintain... Read More

Inspirational Power ( Part 1 )

The Fundamentals of Strategic Marketing, Some Key Traits for Greater... Read More

Training Adults, Not Teaching Children

Adults are vulnerable to personal and professional embarrassment from poor... Read More

How To Write Commercial Collections Letters

It is sometimes valuable to bring the sales manager into... Read More

Customer Focus - Just 5 SimpleThings You Need to Think About

You can boil down the difference between successful businesses and... Read More

Office Politics

Office politics! It's just another way of saying: "The employees... Read More

Designing Your Healthy Administration - A Management Overview

Management or Leadership?Simply stated, management ensures that things get done,... Read More

How To Prevent Your New Manager From Becoming A Statistic

According to a study by the Manchester Group, 4 out... Read More

7 Tips for Growing Your Business You Do Not Want to Ignore: Business Strategies To Easily Implement

Growing companies must always be ready for the next challenge.... Read More

Einstein, The Universe, And Leadership

Every since serving a hitch in the military, I have... Read More

Do You Need a Personal Assistant?

It's great to be multi-skilled?be able to type your own... Read More

How To Turn Business Losses Into Cash Flow

When the typical new business operator starts a business, they... Read More

Toxic Bosses

What's everyone's favorite topic around the water cooler? Bad bosses!... Read More

Ten Problem Solving Techniques

Do you ever need to find some good ideas, or... Read More

Lawyers With 2 Hands And Everything Else

I heard this back a few years ago. The boss... Read More

How To Manage A Difficult Employee

Having to manage a difficult employee is never fun and... Read More

Leadership Styles - the Ten Top Qualities the Best Leaders Show

Top leaders...Are Visionary Top leaders have a very clear understanding... Read More

Meeting Your Meeting Expectations

"To get something done a meeting should consist of no... Read More

Effective Meetings Begin With a Real Agenda

Everyone knows that an agenda is the key to an... Read More

Leadership Skills Means Turnover is Not a Problem

"Ha!" you say. "For someone to make a statement like... Read More

Manufacturing Capacity as a Commodity

Excess capacity in an automobile plant at Ford, Chrysler, Toyota,... Read More

How To Decrease Downtime and Increase Productivity

All maintenance activities of the workforce must be documented, this... Read More

The Compliance Officers Killer Application

It used to be that only the largest multi-nationals needed... Read More

Manage Communication to Add Value

Management guru Tom Peters says white collar workers and managers... Read More

Leadership: Stoking The Success Train

Everyone wants to succeed yet everyone has a different perception... Read More

Creative and Innovative Culture, Change Management ? Three Easy Tests

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Make Change Easy - Get Involved!

There are wild variances in how much involvement organisations are... Read More

Lets Make Training More Interesting!

Many HR managers believe that by sending their workers to... Read More

The Dog That Didnt Bark

A few weeks ago, after consultations with others in an... Read More

Close the Performance Gap

One of the most difficult and emotionally draining situations you... Read More