How to Keep a Good Employee: Look, Listen, Learn

Recently a client told me a wonderful story about how a change of attitude helped her to keep a valued employee.

Angry and grumbling about one of the provisions in the company policy, the employee asked for a private meeting with my client, the owner of a small sales company, and began to tell her in direct terms what was wrong. The client couldn't hear anything the employee was saying because she was too busy planning her own rebuttal strategy. It was important to let the employee know that the policy was a good one. On the other hand, she didn't want to lose her top sales agent. Physically, she could feel her body clenching and mentally, she was preoccupied with what she should say.

She Who Speaks First Loses.
Fortunately, she remembered an old adage from her own sales days: when you are negotiating to close the sale and you've asked for the order, it is almost always true that "the person who speaks first loses." The client thought about this, took a deep breath, and listened instead. Almost immediately she felt the physical tension drain away, and found she was really listening for the first time since the employee had started talking.

Seek First To Understand.
In Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the most well known of the habits - and perhaps most difficult to achieve in difficult moments - is the 5th Habit: Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood. My client began to ask questions to find out more of what lay behind the outburst. She became curious, wanting to know as much as she could about her employee's point of view. She grew increasingly interested, and soon it became fun to learn how the policy appeared to this person. The more she listened, the more she could see the situation through other eyes. As she sought clarity, she began to regain her own equilibrium and power. She saw that she could acknowledge and build on her employee's thoughts and at the same time speak what was true from her perspective as the company's leader.

Hard on the Problem, Soft on the People.
She heard not only the employee's words but also what motivated the message - the employee was concerned about fairness, clarity of communication, and the reputation of the company. So was she. It seemed that they were on the same side of wanting what was best for all. From this common ground, the client explained her own view of how the company policy supported clarity, fairness, and company vision, and specifically how adhering to it might support the employee in the long run. She was able to stay open to some positive suggestions for change and, in the end, to reassert her role as leader and mentor. The company owner helped to position the problem as something they could work on and solve together, and the conflict became an opportunity to reinforce their relationship and their ability to handle future challenges.

Morihei Ueshiba, 20th century martial artist, philosopher, and founder of aikido, is quoted as saying: "Opponents confront us continually, but actually there is no opponent there." It is fascinating, rewarding, and an exercise in a different kind of power, when we can turn our opponents into allies. It is one thing to think we are listening, quite another to actually do it ? to imagine ourselves in the place of the person we are listening to, and to position the issue so that it can be worked on as a mutual problem-solving endeavor. Try it. You will discover that when you have security in your own power, you will be able to step away from it temporarily and discover something even better.

© 2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training

About the Author: Judy Ringer is Founder of Power & Presence Training, specializing in unique workshops on conflict, communication, and creating a more positive work environment. Judy is also a black belt in aikido, and is writing her first book on the connection between aikido, conflict, and living a more purposeful life. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

Note: You're welcome to reprint this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to judy@judyringer.com.

---

Work Life a Balancing Act

Australians are loosing their laidback, carefree reputation, as we continue... Read More

Getting Information From Prospects

You're at a networking function and you've made that all-important... Read More

Quick Tip - Effective Meetings Begin With Goals

Goals are critically important for the success of a meeting.... Read More

Small Business Outsourcing: An Introduction

Outsourcing is the delegation of a business process to an... Read More

A Sense of Humor in the Workplace ... Is it Me? Or, was that not funny?

When I was first initiated into Corporate America, I had... Read More

Communicating with Case Studies

A few weeks ago, a couple of colleagues and I... Read More

Use Every Weapon You Have

One of the strongest weapons available allows business, non-profit and... Read More

Hiring and Retaining Good Employees

Hiring good employees is not only important to business, it's... Read More

Innovation Management: The Time Factor

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

The Key to Successful Performance Objectives

Have you ever tried to drive somewhere without proper directions?... Read More

Shrinkage Control

What has been your store's shrinkage experience for the last... Read More

Managing the Human Resource Project

We obtain strategic results by aligning HR mission, vision and... Read More

Lateral Thinking, Logical Thinking, Applied Creativity

Certain processes enhance creative output and others enhance innovative output.... Read More

Business Intelligence & Data Warehousing in a Business Perspective

Business IntelligenceBusiness Intelligence has become a very important activity in... Read More

Planning a Productive Retreat

What value is there in leadership or team-building retreats? Just... Read More

Are You Prepared for a Disaster?

Yesterday I look at my calendar and saw that my... Read More

How to Create a Positive Work Atmosphere

Positive versus Negative WorkplacesWe have all worked in places where... Read More

Business Innovation ? Organizational Culture

Creativity can be defined as problem identification and idea generation... Read More

Teamwork Training: Learning to Build a Successful Team

Teamwork is a process that can be experienced outdoors and... Read More

Are You Ready to Sell Your Business

Make Sure You Understand Your Motivation for SellingAre you thinking... Read More

Influencing Change - A Guide for Sellers, Coaches, and Supervisors

When people or groups make a decision to purchase something,... Read More

Sarbanes Oxley 404 Compliance - How Nov. 15, 2004 Deadline Affects You

Fast Relief for Sarbanes Oxley Section 404 ComplianceSection 404 of... Read More

Enhancing the Motivational Climate of Your Workplace

It has been well documented that employees' productivity and job... Read More

ISO 9001 Okay Now You Have It How Do You Market It?

Marketing ISO 9001 2000.Lately we've been seeing a lot of... Read More

Give Yourself a Boss Day Gift, Part 2: Are You the Position or the Person?

Are you the position or the person?Bosses can lose their... Read More

Involving People Gave Us the Improvements We Needed

We had a problem with handling materials in a production... Read More

Bosses Are Out ? Managers As Coaches Are In

There is a new trend taking hold in business today... Read More

Diversity in the Workplace: Benefits, Challenges and Solutions

Workplace diversity refers to the variety of differences between people... Read More

Employees Commit Corporate Fraud

Imagine the following scenario; Ten years ago you decided to... Read More

The High Cost of Employee Turnover Among Project Managers

Imagine for a moment this scenario from a frustrated Senior... Read More

Optimizing Your Cash Flow With Proper Accounts Receivable Management

Businesses miss on growth opportunities and even close their doors... Read More

Well-Defined Processes ? How to Create

Interested in learning how to reduce development time, save money... Read More

Difficult Staff - It Pays To Get To Know Them Better

It's very easy for a business owner or manager to... Read More