Making Assumptions - A Critical Communication Mistake In Business And In Your Personal Life!

We draw conclusions about people through observation, their behavior, past experiences, other people's comments, etc. We assume who people are, what they think/need/want with such speed we fail to recognize how our own viewpoint colors the way we connect with and relate to people and situations. We even hold assumptions about ourselves!

Let's focus for a moment on verbal communication. Making assumptions has become a part of the way we communicate (or don't communicate) with each other.

During my coach training, one of the points that class leaders focused on was the value of listening to people with curiosity. What that means is hearing what people say, being present with them, and having an innocent, open, genuine interest to learn about who they are without judgments or preconceived attitudes.

In my work, I consider myself to be an empathetic listener. I've become accustomed to asking questions and quickly grasping the essence of what people are saying. Focusing on staying in curiosity, I was astonished to observe the subtle ways I quickly shifted into making assumptions in my desire to understand. Saying things like " Tell me more about that, what does that mean to you, how would your life be different if you had.." brought me back into curiosity instead of jumping forward into planning strategies or problem-solving. I realized that by making assumptions, I was missing (stepping over) important information that would help me to be fully present with my clients.

How often do you believe you understand the other person only to find out you have a miss ? understanding??? To what extent do your assumptions cause conflicts? How often do you make a decision and/or take action based on your assumptions. What happened?

So why don't we ask questions for further clarification? When I ask this question, people tell me:

* It's such an automatic response. I don't think to ask for more information.

* I wasn't totally sure but I was uncomfortable asking ? like I should have known.

* I didn't realize I misunderstood until?..

* I didn't want to appear stupid (misunderstanding is better?).

What's your answer?

For example ? people often say they want to be supported. What does that really mean? I know what feeling supported and being supported means to me but I don't know what that means to anyone else. What are people really asking for? Seeking clarification (get specifics!), about what people want/need/expect invites you to show up and respond (to that need for support) from your heart. Win-win. (Note. Using this example, don't assume that people need the same things in every situation.)

Here are some tips to begin moving out of unconscious assumptions to conscious curiosity:

1. Look for opportunities to practice being curious instead of "knowing." Choose some situations that would benefit from eliciting further information. Pay attention to how you are responding to people.

2. ASK QUESTIONS!!!!!!! Say things like ? "tell me more about that", "I know what that means to me, what does that mean to you?" Consider what you'd really like to know.

3. Reflect back to the person what you hear them say and what you believe they mean. This is active listening.

4. Be willing to look silly or be uncomfortable in an effort to understand.

5. Recall a past experience when you made assumptions that had negative consequences. Looking back, what assumptions did you make that you can learn from now? How can you apply this information to become more open and receptive?

What else can you think of?

Copyright 2003, Lorraine Cohen

____________________________________________

Lorraine Cohen of Powerfull Living (http://www.powerfull-living.biz) is a Business Coach and Life Strategist and Team Member of Solo-E (http://www.Solo-E.com). Integrating her therapy background with coaching, she helps people make more money, manage their time, increase self-assurance, resolve inner conflict, stay focused on the results they want, and balance work and home life.

____________________________________________

*********** Find more articles like this at http://www.Solo-E.com ? Keeping Solo Entrepreneurs Juiced in Business and in Life. Our team of Solo Entrepreneurs are comprised of small business experts who support others in finding business success with the flexibility and freedom to have a life, too. Network with other freelancers, self-employed and Solo Entrepreneurs in our forums, enjoy our articles and newsletter, and find other online training opportunities. ***********

---

6 Simple Steps to Dealing with Difficult Managers

The challenge of managing difficult managers can be rather daunting,... Read More

Get Meeting off To a Great Start

When asked what part of their job they find a... Read More

Necessary Tasks You May Want to Delegate

As a business owner, time is of the essence. Running... Read More

Take the Easy Route - Delegate

It was 2.30 am. It was cold and dark and... Read More

Hold Your Applause!

It's amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care... Read More

How Your Feelings and Those of Your Employees Can Make The Difference

How we feel is really more important than what we... Read More

Reprimanding Marginal Employees

THE MARGINAL PERFORMER: Every manager must, from time to time,... Read More

Controlling Your Cash Flow

IntroductionAre you looking for a way to gain control of... Read More

How to Make the Best of it - Take Your Weather with You

I once worked in a place where there were three... Read More

Managing Client Relationships

Managing Client Relationships: Even the best run organizations occasionally run... Read More

The Top 10 Requirements for Your Business to Become and Remain Profitable

We live in a relentlessly competitive world. The daily pressure... Read More

Management Training: Are You Satisfied With The Results?

If you're not satfied with the results of your management... Read More

Time Management and Team Development - The Yes and No of It

Sometimes.In fact making some small changes to the circumstances when... Read More

Overcoming Perfectionism

Perfectionism can get in the way of building or marketing... Read More

The Role of the Machine Metaphor in Mixed-initiative Organizational Leadership

"Can This Marriage be Saved?" So reads the title of... Read More

11 Strategies on How to Work in An Open Plan Environment

Many work environments now are open plan, with only a... Read More

Strategic Clarity for Communication Management

Over the past few weeks I've been developing plans for... Read More

Where Else in Your Business Do You Accept a 60% Failure Rate?

I recently surveyed CEOs and Business Leaders of large companies... Read More

What are Your Best Practices?

Best Practices StudiesThese studies can be defined as inquiries into... Read More

Getting to Consensus

The need to get people in an organization to pull... Read More

6 Steps To Effective Management During Change

Take the pain out of gain and decrease the upheaval... Read More

Getting Information From Prospects

You're at a networking function and you've made that all-important... Read More

How To Delegate for Fun and Profit

Ah, the wretched pain of delegation. It comes easy to... Read More

Appraisal Systems - Not Living Up to Their Objectives

Almost, if not all organisations have them, they've been around... Read More

Sarbanes Oxley 404 Compliance - How Nov. 15, 2004 Deadline Affects You

Fast Relief for Sarbanes Oxley Section 404 ComplianceSection 404 of... Read More

Three Business Lessons From The US Postal Service

There was a buzz in the air recently about the... Read More

How to Enhance Quality in Your Business

Every business must strive to provide quality products and services... Read More

The Few & the Many: Free Trade, Outsourcing, & Communication

Have you noticed that some sound ideas get bad publicity?... Read More

The Power of Positive Communication

Communication is the key to your success at work, at... Read More

How to Reduce Temporary Employee Turnover

The use of temporary services to stock a farm of... Read More

The Supervisors 14 Essential Truths For Communicating With Direct Reports

One amazing, but sadly true, fact of today's advances in... Read More

25 Great Ways to Find the Right People and Not Break the Bank

Are you trying to hire dozens of hourly workers or... Read More

Hiring Tip -- Picking The Best Candidates

I often hear leaders from all types of organizations ask... Read More