The Compassion Paradox

Effective leaders are comfortable with paradox. They can call on skills and work in ways that seem to be contradictory.

Dictionary.com defines paradox as "a seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true." As I study the field, I find many paradoxes associated with leadership. I see that developing the skills of a great leader requires us to work in apparently contradictory ways that are nonetheless true.

I often see my clients and seminar participants wrestle with these issues because they present themselves as extreme and contradictory positions. Many people struggle because they view the paradoxical extremes as either/or positions rather than both/and positions.

One dilemma many people have difficulty confronting is, what I call, the Compassion Paradox ? As a leader, you must be compassionate AND you must hold people accountable. Sometimes I say it this way: You cannot be too soft if you want to be compassionate. Let me explain.

Depending on their personality style and personal experience, most people fall more on one side or the other of these two extremes. They are great at holding people accountable, but not so great at showing compassion. Or, they are great at showing compassion, but not so great at holding people accountable. Learning to work both ends of this divide is one key to becoming an effective leader.

We normally fail to appropriately apply this principle because we do not really understand the two extremes. People who are comfortable with accountability view compassion as too "soft". And, people who are comfortable with compassion view accountability as too "hard". The truth is that neither extreme is either "soft" or "hard". They are simply different responses to different leadership situations.

Let's consider the definitions of these two responses

Compassion - deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

Accountability ? the condition of being called to account; answerable.

As leaders, we must be aware of people's needs and work to meet them ? i.e. we must be compassionate. We must also hold people accountable. If we fail to hold people accountable, the organization fails. If we do not address concerns, people work at bare minimum levels or they leave. Again, the organization fails.

Some people are comfortable with this paradox. I find that most are not. My personal challenge is this - I fall more on the compassion side than on the accountability side. With conscious effort, I have improved my ability to hold people accountable. It is still not natural or comfortable for me. I realize, though, that it is necessary.

Whatever your bent, I encourage you to look at your behaviors as a leader. Are you more comfortable with compassion or with accountability? Either way, work to develop comfort with the other. When you can choose your response based on the situation, rather than your personal comfort, you will be skilled at applying the Compassion Paradox. You will be one step closer to acting as a highly effective leader.

Copyright 2005, Guy Harris

Guy Harris is the Chief Relationship Officer with Principle Driven Consulting. He helps entrepreneurs, business managers, and other organizational leaders build trust, reduce conflict, and improve team performance. Learn more at http://www.principledriven.com

Guy co-authored "The Behavior Bucks System TM" to help parents reduce stress and conflict with their children. Learn more about this book at http://www.behaviorbucks.com

---

People or Objects? - - You Decide

"How you think determines how you act. How you... Read More

Ten Steps To Effective Leadership

Many people end up in a supervisory position or SOHO... Read More

Why Not Lead With Emotions?

Studies have shown that companies that have acquired competencies to... Read More

Leadership: Seed or Fruit?

Purpose: Learn immediately if you are fostering leadership or ignoring... Read More

Are You Playing or Practicing Leadership?

Anne was a new supervisor, and like many new supervisors... Read More

Having Fun In Leadership

"Don't measure your life by your goals, but rather by... Read More

Lead People...Manage Things

Master The Five Key Facets of High Performance LeadershipMany people... Read More

Choose To Become An Encourager

"...I know that the only source of happiness is within... Read More

In Leadership, The Eight Ways Of Right Action (Part 1)

The ancient Greeks had a saying: "When Aschines speaks, the... Read More

In Leadership, Identifying Dreams That Lead To Great Results

History teaches that when people needed to do great things,... Read More

Elements of Timeless Leadership

Great leadership is timeless, always in vogue. The world has... Read More

Give Your Valentine A Very Special Gift - Empowerment

Delegating is a commonly misunderstood concept. Delegating is not about... Read More

Building Self Confidence

As a hypnotherapist I specialise in helping people to develop... Read More

Leadership Challenges: The Walls In Our Lives

We have all experienced walls or challenges in our work... Read More

What Kind of Leader Are You?

You are a leader if someone is following you. This... Read More

The Tao of Leadership

There can be no doubt that the ancient author of... Read More

The Three Essential Attributes of a Leader: (Part 2) Bringing Others to the Vision

We need to engage our listeners and transform them into... Read More

Fighting the Gravitational Pull of Positional Leadership

A little on leadership?Many people enter the leadership world through... Read More

The SAMMER Test: Leading People To Get The Right Results At the Right Time In The Right Way

As a leader, you do nothing more important than get... Read More

Leadership is About Growing Others - Its Not About You!

"Before you become a leader success is all about growing... Read More

Why the Squirrel Kept Winning!

I had the good fortune (or misfortune depending on your... Read More

Tough Times Demand Resilient Leaders

The stock market gyrates with unpredictable and heartburning results. Icons... Read More

3 Dynamic Techniques To Boost Your Executive Leadership!

Here's a really simple way to measure the strength of... Read More

Two Leadership Traps: How To Avoid Them and How To Get Out Of Them (Part 2)

Here's how to get out of, or avoid, the "I... Read More

Chris Top 7 Favorite Leadership Books

1. The West Point Way of Leadership.GREAT book by a... Read More

The Seven Mistakes to Avoid when Organising Your Student Leadership Program

How do you measure the success of a training or... Read More

Develop a We Focus And Not a Me Focus

"There's only one thing more contagious than a good attitude... Read More

Building Future Leaders

As a whole we spend a lot of time filling... Read More

Top 25 Leadership Quotations

Ponder what it takes to be a true leader with... Read More

Weakness, Struggle, Fear, Knowledge, Growth, Courage, Leader

Theodore Roosevelt was one of the most remarkable men in... Read More

Follow My Leader - To Effect Change, Leaders Must Walk the Talk!

A leader's roleIn any change project, a leader must wear... Read More

Leadership Lessons from Pope John Paul II

"Heroes are rebels with a cause. Rebels because they challenge... Read More

How to Become a Great Leader & Improve Your Leadership Skills

A great leader is able to inspire his/her workers to... Read More