Lesson Learned

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9, 2002

I was involved with a man separated from his wife. We connected on an extremely emotional level and were in the process of building a future.

His wife left him and their two children to accept a job in another state and to experience a more unencumbered life. Prior to leaving she cheated on him three times and was emotionally and physically unavailable to her children.

Unfortunately I let myself get drawn into his life and his children's lives. I not only fell in love with him but also with the children. I was devastated when he accepted her back with no questions asked, but I accept responsibility for getting involved and for the consequences of my actions.

At the death of a loved one, when her family needed her most, she again abandoned her husband and children. As I predicted. He contacted me to let me know I was right. As much as I hoped that would bring satisfaction, it didn't. It brought only deep sadness.

There is nothing I can do to make him see her for who she is. How do I find peace knowing this cycle of coming and going will continue in his life? I want what is best for all of them. I know walking away is best for me, and I guess I am looking for confirmation from an objective outside source.

Tia

Tia, in "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, three ghosts come to Ebenezer Scrooge and alter the course of his life. For you, the ghost was your companion's wife.

There is a line Scrooge says which we have never forgotten. "Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.'' That is what the story is about. It is also the story of our lives.

With the holidays approaching, it will be hard for you not to think about what might have been. But with the holidays approaching, his wife may well reappear. Even if she doesn't, her specter will never be far off, and he will be open to her return.

Hard as it is to walk away, it shows you understand the lesson from Dickens' tale. Walking away opens the door to possibilities. It opens the door to your fulfillment and to the promise of the new year.

Wayne & Tamara

A Love Story

My name is Winnie. I am 15 years old. I am in love. I know it has to be love! I spent the whole day yesterday with this guy I have liked for about a month. He is 16.

I know he likes me, too. Well, at least I hope so. He flirts with me all the time. I want to call and talk to him about my feelings, but I am not sure how to word it. Every time I see him I get butterflies in my stomach, and every other problem in the world seems to go away. Can you please tell me what to do, or at least, what to say?

Winnie

Winnie, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. You're at the beginning of the story now, and it's such a good beginning you want to rush to the end, read the last chapter, and see how it turns out. At least you want to tell this boy how it should end.

But by skipping to the end and telling him your feelings, you will miss the middle part where things develop and the plot gets interesting. Let the story unfold in its own way.

If you've already spent a whole day with him, you don't have problems talking to each other. We're pretty sure he knows you like him a lot. That's enough for now. By letting things unfold in their own time, you won't spoil the ending.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Anamchara - Making Sense of Life

Many successful persons advise you start your day with a... Read More

Words Of Wisdom

Carlos' Words of Wisdom1. Today is your day to exceed,... Read More

Are We Ever Really Alone?

A new twist on a familiar quote - Chances are... Read More

Top 15 Inspirational Quotations

Get inspired and lift your spirits with these positive quotations... Read More

A Cat In The Hand Is Worth Two Birds In The Bush!

I bought this computer just over two years ago with... Read More

Anything That?s Worth Doing, Is Worth Doing Poorly

Yes you got it. You read it correctly. We're not... Read More

Breaking Bonds

I am just out of high school, and I have... Read More

Your James Bond Fantasies Become Real

The problem with this is that fantasies usually don't come... Read More

The Power of the Tongue

There is an old proverb with a lot of wisdom.... Read More

Building Bridges, Not Walls!

Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood,... Read More

I Dont Like This

You always do this wrong, how many times would I... Read More

Boarded Windows

You know how images trigger emotions? You can see something... Read More

The Theft of Fire

"Igne Natura Renovatur Integra" (By fire is nature renewed whole.)... Read More

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel... Read More

Have a Green Day, Every Day!

Green symbolises growth. Growth requires change and transformation. This article... Read More

Forgiveness

"If unresolved anger is a toxin to the spirit, forgiveness... Read More

Bad Blood

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 26,... Read More

Motivational Posters - A Source Of Inspiration?

What Inspires You? What motivates you to get up in... Read More

Personal Fear of Change and How to Change It!

It's interesting how we intellectually know that tomorrow will be... Read More

Head First

I stepped up to the edge and looked down. I... Read More

Why Integrity!

There is much said in the word "integrity"! According to... Read More

Are You The Master Of Your Destiny?

How strong are you? I'm not asking if you... Read More

How I Made $10,000 In One Day By Swimming Underwater!

"Without health, life is not life; it is only a... Read More

The Power Of A Dream - Success Always Start Off With A Dream

Back in the good old days of school, the teachers... Read More

Magical Wreaths

Wreaths are like rings. They represent the Universal Circle ("Let... Read More

A Word Fitly Spoken ~ Acceptance

A WORD FITLY SPOKENA word fitly spoken is like apples... Read More

Showing Your Appreciation - How To Make Others Feel Special

"There are fine things which you mean to do someday,... Read More

Look To Trees To Help You Keep Balanced And Focused While Achieving Your Dreams

Do you remember looking up through the branches of a... Read More

Keeping Faith

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 30,... Read More

The Bright Side of Loneliness

Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I... Read More

The Procrastinating Perfectionist

Are you a procrastinating perfectionist? I once read an article... Read More

The Amazing Destructive Power of Tradition

After more than thirty years of studying the Bible I... Read More

20 Ways To Improve Your Life

People often ask me how they can improve their lives.I... Read More