Call To Action

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3, 2003

I need some advice, please! I've been married to the same man for 11 years. He's a nice person when he's not drinking. However that isn't very often.

He drinks on a daily basis. Sometimes it's four beers, sometimes it's 12 or more. He drinks alone and then gets verbally abusive. He tells me I could never make it without him. I would have to live in a cardboard box. He calls me names, then tells me he loves me and will never let me leave.

He had a terrible childhood. He was adopted and his dad left his mom for another woman. He hasn't gotten over his anger, but he won't seek any type of help. He denies there is a problem. My husband saves most of the good stuff for me, but he's verbally abusive to our two children as well.

I've been to Al-Anon and talked to counselors. I tried to draw him back into the family, but he keeps pushing us away. I feel it's best to separate from him. Maybe the realization will make him take control. It's sad when your children wake up in the morning and ask, "Is Dad in a better mood, or do we need to be careful?"

Esme

Esme, your kids are living in a crazy, unpredictable environment. Walking on eggshells is affecting their development, and it will damage their future.

Their emotions are cycling between fear, bewilderment, anger and embarrassment. Children raised in this environment often become people pleasers who judge themselves harshly and have a hard time following through on projects. They likely will have difficulty disclosing their feelings to others, and they likely will live with a constant feeling of dread.

You have no power to change your husband's behavior. Only he can change it, and if he ever changes, he will do it for his own sake. Until he is tired of being controlled by anger and alcohol, he will not change.

At present he can be abusive and drunk and still maintain his home and family. He has no incentive to change. There are no consequences for continuing as he is, and there is no reason to assume a separation will make him take control. If he changes, it may be long after you leave.

Your highest duty is to your children. They have done nothing to deserve living in this kind of home. Your next duty is to yourself. You can't live a normal life with this man. There is one more duty. That is the duty your husband owes to himself not to waste his chance at life. But that is a duty only he can fulfill.

Proceed with your decision to leave, and take steps to ensure your safety and that of your children.

Wayne

Sexual Histories

I've been dating a lady for about a week. We really click. A few days ago we were talking about personal problems, and she told me she had herpes.

I am in my 30s and have never met anyone with herpes. I was married for two years, but before I was married I was a virgin and very naïve about sexual things. I don't know if I should avoid sexual contact with her or just walk away.

Manny

Manny, you have a serious decision to make. Unless and until you see this lady as a life partner, avoid sexual contact. Otherwise, if things don't work out, her situation could become your own.

We suggest sitting down with a physician or other health professional to discuss exactly what this can mean for your future. There is no reason to be embarrassed. Simply explain to them what you explained to us.

The reason to go to a medical source first is you will not only get an authoritative answer, but you will have laid the groundwork for future treatment if you decide to proceed.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Problems Arent Bad After all!

At first glance, when tough times hit, it seems the... Read More

Smile! Banish Your Fear

Changing our physiology is one of the best ways to... Read More

Forcing Inspiration

Most people, when they have to complete a creative endeavour,... Read More

Tighten Your Connection

It was my first and last experience with a pneumatic... Read More

Blessings for the Soul

In Corrogue I count my Blessings.These are numerous. There is... Read More

An Extraordinary Person

I am not going to tell you the story of... Read More

The Power Of Love In Your Life!

CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE!"If there is light in the soul, there... Read More

Dreams Keep Us Going

The eyes are the portals of the inner self; the... Read More

Love Thy Neighbor

I would like to take a moment to write about... Read More

Dream Board

DREAM IT, CREATE IT, BECOME ITIf you've been reading my... Read More

Opening Hearts is as Easy as Opening a Window

Two-year-old Owen goes to speech therapy twice a week. The... Read More

Selfish Beings

Trouble, trouble, trouble. Nothing but trouble. The night before, I... Read More

A Little Blessing Changes Everything

"We're on a one-game winning streak!" That's what freshman Dawan... Read More

Inspirations: Some Other Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far

Some people live in and talk about the past so... Read More

Why Anyone Can Be Prosperous

In nature, when the season is right, all things flourish... Read More

Energy Work Basics Part 1: So What is Energy?

Everything is made of energy. Atoms, molecules, light, sound and... Read More

What Is Your Real Worth?

Consider this. If it is possible to quote you as... Read More

You Are a Beautiful Person

I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More

Make A Difference - Just Go Make A Difference!

Three Words That Can Help Us Live Exceptional LivesCertain words... Read More

Sixty-Second Caring

"How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before... Read More

Loving You

The difficulty in finding love that is good for you... Read More

Entrepreneur and Mom

When I was 12 years old, I had surgery with... Read More

The Road Not Taken

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 24,... Read More

Life Lessons I Learned from My Cat

Even if you are not a cat person, bear with... Read More

Fear No Evil - How To Avoid Worry And Fear

"Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow... Read More

5 Things That Americans Can Do To Remember Reviving, Surviving and Thriving in the Wake of Sept 11

For those people who lost friends and loved ones... Read More

Just Say, I Love You to Those Who are...

Life is beautiful and lovable with the type of people... Read More

Do You Suffer From The Chef Personality?

As a chef I have a unique perspective on anger.In... Read More

FEAR Don?t Let it Control You!

Fear. What is it? Can you touch it? Can you... Read More

The Seasons of Life, Part 2 of 5

Last week we started a five part series on The... Read More

When Human Beings Take It To The Limit

In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to... Read More

Clearing Your Inner Landscape: Freeing Yourself From Emotional Deadwood

Do you suffer from emotional clutter? Is suffering even the... Read More

Harsh Reality

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 25,... Read More