Following Through

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003

My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me two days to even open the envelope and another full day to look at the actual documents. I still haven't entirely read through them. I cannot bring myself to sign.

Eight months ago, after months of emotional turmoil, we both agreed a divorce would be in our best interest. I was relieved at the time. I was tired of him drinking every night until he passed out on the sofa. I was tired of feeling belittled. I never quite healed from the affair I found out about, and I know there were others.

We were married eight years. I never felt I was his partner in life. I felt I was just another piece of furniture. We have two beautiful little boys who adore their daddy. They were a big reason for wanting this divorce. I didn't want them growing up thinking drinking on a daily basis is normal.

For years I wanted counseling. I would plead, "Let's go before our problems get out of control!" He insisted we didn't have anything we couldn't handle. By the time we made it to counseling it was too late. Besides, he refused to say he had an addiction.

I tell myself if he truly reaches out for help and remains changed for a year after our divorce, maybe we could try with a fresh start.

I heard a preacher say, "Fidelity is more than sexual fidelity. It is when every decision you make during the day is the best one for yourself, your spouse, and your children." Wayne and Tamara, that's the only relationship I want.

The papers still sit in front of me. How do I know I'm doing the right thing?

Felicity

Felicity, what you are facing is the death of a dream, the dream of what your marriage was supposed to be like.

Faced with the choice of drinking or losing his family, your husband continues to drink. You may have every reason to hope he will change, but you have absolutely no reason to believe he will change.

Boys look to their father to show them how to be a man, and a drunk is someone who has clearly lost the way. Courts and the law have a simple view of the matter. They don't knowingly allow a child to be adopted in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. There are laws against drinking and driving. Perhaps there should be laws against drinking and parenting.

You cannot focus on your husband sobering up. That has always been only under his power, and never under yours. He may be 20 years from admitting his problem. He may never admit it. You can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to do what they may never do.

Tamara says she cannot even shop without having me in her mind. "Everything I lay my eyes upon," she says, "I lay my heart upon where lives my husband." Your mate has to be an enhancement to your life. It cannot be any other way.

Wayne

Geronimo!

I'm a 19-year-old male from Liverpool, England. I'm a decent looking lad, but since I broke up from my first serious relationship, I haven't met anyone else. Can you give me advice on meeting girls and actually asking them out?

Gunther

Gunther, are you putting out vibes you are pining for your ex? Out with the old and in with the new.

Look around and start asking?to movies, to lunch, to a bookstore, to whatever you fancy. Follow your own interests and what you have a passion for, and remember this is not like school, where one grade follows another. Love doesn't follow anyone's schedule, and that is why it is so wonderful.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Body Calling: Eye Sight Cured Naturally

Lorenzo C. an inspiring young teenager who fell to the... Read More

Stay Inspired

Two years ago I was in a wheelchair and told... Read More

Divination

A LOST WORLD OF SOULWhen you hear the word 'divination',... Read More

A Time To Awake

What has become of your fondest dreams?If you were guaranteed... Read More

Generosity Is The Seed Of Wealth

Generosity, which includes the free, no strings-attached sharing of resources,... Read More

Leading a World Class Life

Every four years the world is given the gift of... Read More

You Can Quickly And Easily Solve Your Problems

Today I just wanted to write you a quick note... Read More

Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile

Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and... Read More

Change Your Landscape by Seeing with New Eyes

A Story (Source Unknown) ? One day a very wealthy... Read More

Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success

Can we love our bodies? As the years go by,... Read More

A Path To Peace

The root of discord and violence between people and nations... Read More

Wherever You Are, Be There

One of the major reasons why we fail to find... Read More

Who is My Mother?

Text: Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3: 31-35, Luke 8:19Mother's Day has... Read More

What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want)

When you have your dream clear in your mind and... Read More

You Can Make a Difference

When I study of world these days, I see a... Read More

Pay It Forward

My friend Hugh Jeffries died. He was a wealthy man.... Read More

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel... Read More

Put To The Sword

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 23,... Read More

Life

Life is what happens to you, while you are making... Read More

Beyond the River: Kabbalahs Guidance for Our Times

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and... Read More

Live the Adventure!

Think of an adventure that you might like to take.... Read More

The Fighting Father

This man is an Anglican priest but with a difference.... Read More

You Are a Beautiful Person

I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More

Giving Can Overcome Language Differences

I recently had to take a trip to Germany. It... Read More

Forcing Inspiration

Most people, when they have to complete a creative endeavour,... Read More

The Most Famous Line I Never Wrote

There is one line that can dramatically impact your life... Read More

Opening Hearts is as Easy as Opening a Window

Two-year-old Owen goes to speech therapy twice a week. The... Read More

Finding Hope In Trying Times

Growing up, as a child of the 60's, peace, love... Read More

Following Through

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24,... Read More

Choicemaking: Self-Help Secrets Revealed

We all assume that making choices is a simple process.... Read More

Brilliant Autumn: Reaping a Bounteous Harvest

"But if in your thought you must measure time into... Read More

Where Did We Miss?

Talking with friends, people I meet on a regular basis,... Read More

How To Walk On The Path Of Peace (Part 1)

As there are silent depths in the ocean, which the... Read More