Full Disclosure

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 21, 2003

I hope you can talk me out of this bad feeling. I watched the Michael Jackson program where he was talking about how he was treated by his father. I had hushed the bad memories to the back of my head, but this program brought them flooding back.

I was brought up in Ireland with a mother and father. All I remember of my childhood was my mother beating me for nothing. I was beaten three or four times a week with a hurley stick, but she was so nice to everyone no one would have believed the terror we lived in.

I had to get my brothers and sisters out to school while she stayed in bed. If I did not leave the kitchen spotless before I went to school, I got a beating when I came home for lunch. We had tiled floors, and at the weekend she would hand me a box of Brillo soap pads and tell me to scrub. If I missed one tile, I got a beating.

We were never loved, kissed, or cuddled as kids, and never a nice word spoken. My father left home when I was 17, and so did I. My mother lives with my sister, and I see her Christmas. She never has anything to say to me. My sister said if she talks to my mother about the past, she says she does not remember.

Now in my fifties, I feel I wasted my life away living in a shell I built around myself. I have been with the same man for 25 years now and find it hard to talk about my feelings. I have a few close friends, but they don't know about my childhood.

I don't think you can help me, but just putting pen to paper helps.

Brigid

Brigid, spending Christmas with your mother must be like spending Christmas with the assailant who battered you, stole your purse, and was never punished. Just laying eyes on her hurts you. You had to mother yourself and that is very difficult, but be grateful for the shell you created. It allowed you to survive.

If you tell your close friends, it will give you even more release than writing this letter. It will be hard for you to tell, and hard for them to listen. It was hard for us to hear your story, and we barely know you. But telling them is the place to begin.

Telling your friends will allow you and them to be more honest in general conversation. It will help them not to make comments which may unintentionally hurt you, or to ask what you are giving your mother for Christmas. You may, however, have to discourage them from heading to Ireland with a hurley stick.

Wayne

The Sting

This may seem like a silly question, but I am curious how common this scenario is. I signed a onerous and mean-spirited divorce decree without legal representation because my ex-wife said the divorce was just symbolic. It was to give closure to a bad marriage, and we were going to start over.

After the divorce was real, final, and contained things I never agreed to, I am paying more than $6000 per month in cash and prizes. Have you heard of this before?

Ramsey

Ramsey, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce is the final legal disconnection of a union. It is not done to restart a relationship. You could have symbolically burned a piece of paper, gotten new wedding rings, or begun "dating" each other again. But she had another plan in mind.

Who gets involved in one-sided divorces? The good person, the trusting person, the one who wants to believe. Perhaps a good attorney can get a more equitable settlement. Perhaps not. But we have heard your story before. It is the consequence of being a trusting person.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Its Better to Give than to Receive

"It's better to give than to receive." You've probably heard... Read More

How Do You Read the Bible?

Here's a simple parable with an important moral.Each mirror, you... Read More

Thoughts on Loving

Loving. It seems like such a simple concept. But those... Read More

The Power of A.S.K.ing

Have you ever had the opportunity to follow-up on a... Read More

The Challenge To Succeed

So much has been written about success that one often... Read More

Finding Hope In Trying Times

Growing up, as a child of the 60's, peace, love... Read More

Opening the Heart and Exploring Beneath the Surface

Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can... Read More

Make Mistakes! Its Okay - Really!

When you fall, do you get right back up? Do... Read More

Faith Like a Child

Jonathan:¡§This is my brother, Jonathan¡¨. They walked into the room... Read More

Favorite Quotations... What Do They Say About Us?

Have you stopped to think what your favorite quotes are... Read More

Playing With Fire

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 21,... Read More

Do You Have a Vision?

You must absolutely have a vision, or a dream, for... Read More

Rightful Owner

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 20,... Read More

Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile

Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and... Read More

Dream Lover

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1,... Read More

Worship and Football: Lets Take Another Look

At a recent seminar we were asked to imagine if... Read More

Tranquility

It's all in the mind- your mind.It's not brought about... Read More

Hope For Those Sexually Abused As Children

PART 1: Warning - This article may be inappropriate for... Read More

Win Your Own Lotto

When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of... Read More

Joy in Perseverance

I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take... Read More

For Inspiration Watch a Kite Fly Against the Wind

Given a steady wind and a properly balanced kite, the... Read More

Alone But Not Lonely

In today's fast paced society, we've become accustomed to filling... Read More

Do You Feel Headed For Shipwreck?

The ocean liner Achille Lauro sailed perpetually under a dark... Read More

Everyday is a Gift, Open and Enjoy It

There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser... Read More

Spiritual Evolution: A Journey of Truth

BORN OF BODY AND SPIRITWe are born of the body... Read More

A Life Touched

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 17,... Read More

Embracing Your Wildness

As small children, we were all wild. Not unlike the... Read More

Using Appreciation to Make a Difference

When in 1996 a local Secondary School opened, the staff... Read More

Voices Inside My Head

Have you ever wanted to do something really major-something stupendous-something... Read More

Making Commitments of Love and Courage

There is a story about a little girl who suffered... Read More

A Plan Of Attack

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28,... Read More

Its The Journey, Not The Destination

Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in... Read More

Reclaiming Our Resilient Spirit

Our spirits are taking a beating. The daily barrage of... Read More