Full Disclosure

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 21, 2003

I hope you can talk me out of this bad feeling. I watched the Michael Jackson program where he was talking about how he was treated by his father. I had hushed the bad memories to the back of my head, but this program brought them flooding back.

I was brought up in Ireland with a mother and father. All I remember of my childhood was my mother beating me for nothing. I was beaten three or four times a week with a hurley stick, but she was so nice to everyone no one would have believed the terror we lived in.

I had to get my brothers and sisters out to school while she stayed in bed. If I did not leave the kitchen spotless before I went to school, I got a beating when I came home for lunch. We had tiled floors, and at the weekend she would hand me a box of Brillo soap pads and tell me to scrub. If I missed one tile, I got a beating.

We were never loved, kissed, or cuddled as kids, and never a nice word spoken. My father left home when I was 17, and so did I. My mother lives with my sister, and I see her Christmas. She never has anything to say to me. My sister said if she talks to my mother about the past, she says she does not remember.

Now in my fifties, I feel I wasted my life away living in a shell I built around myself. I have been with the same man for 25 years now and find it hard to talk about my feelings. I have a few close friends, but they don't know about my childhood.

I don't think you can help me, but just putting pen to paper helps.

Brigid

Brigid, spending Christmas with your mother must be like spending Christmas with the assailant who battered you, stole your purse, and was never punished. Just laying eyes on her hurts you. You had to mother yourself and that is very difficult, but be grateful for the shell you created. It allowed you to survive.

If you tell your close friends, it will give you even more release than writing this letter. It will be hard for you to tell, and hard for them to listen. It was hard for us to hear your story, and we barely know you. But telling them is the place to begin.

Telling your friends will allow you and them to be more honest in general conversation. It will help them not to make comments which may unintentionally hurt you, or to ask what you are giving your mother for Christmas. You may, however, have to discourage them from heading to Ireland with a hurley stick.

Wayne

The Sting

This may seem like a silly question, but I am curious how common this scenario is. I signed a onerous and mean-spirited divorce decree without legal representation because my ex-wife said the divorce was just symbolic. It was to give closure to a bad marriage, and we were going to start over.

After the divorce was real, final, and contained things I never agreed to, I am paying more than $6000 per month in cash and prizes. Have you heard of this before?

Ramsey

Ramsey, at the risk of stating the obvious, divorce is the final legal disconnection of a union. It is not done to restart a relationship. You could have symbolically burned a piece of paper, gotten new wedding rings, or begun "dating" each other again. But she had another plan in mind.

Who gets involved in one-sided divorces? The good person, the trusting person, the one who wants to believe. Perhaps a good attorney can get a more equitable settlement. Perhaps not. But we have heard your story before. It is the consequence of being a trusting person.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Forcing Inspiration

Most people, when they have to complete a creative endeavour,... Read More

Have You Been Lucky In Life?

Each moment in life, "lucky" or "unlucky", is to be... Read More

Aftermath of a Child?s Near Death Experience

An 18 month-old girl lay dying of diphtheria in January... Read More

Get On with Your LIfe

You've lost your job, that's all you know, and you... Read More

Good-Bye Yesterday, Hello Today

Many of us are unable to move forward with our... Read More

How Would YOU React To Tragedy Like This?

The true story I'm about to share will have a... Read More

Spiritual Bread Making

All the ingredients to make 12 loaves of bread already... Read More

The Power of Courtesy and Kindness

I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of... Read More

Practice Being Like a Child

Remember the master teacher once said 2000 years ago, "Unless... Read More

Play a BIGGER role in life!

Did you ever think that you are not playing the... Read More

Reach Your Dreams

About fifteen years ago I was rummaging through some old... Read More

Where You Can Find Sympathy

Ask any of my kids and they'll tell you immediately... Read More

Anam Cara - Going Beyond The Good

In Corrogue I receive a gift of love.I awake to... Read More

The Road Not Taken

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 24,... Read More

Lifes Purpose

To every life, there is a purpose; a purpose of... Read More

Go On ! Give your Enemy a Hug

Another preposterous idea from yours truly, even the thought makes... Read More

Inspiration, the Living Force

These moments of awareness are powerful motivators. They boost our... Read More

Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down

Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the... Read More

The Great Challenge of Life

Here's the great challenge of life - You can have... Read More

Universal Thought Systems Language Part 2

Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More

Stay With It!

I walked out of his office inspired. All I could... Read More

Who Are The Underminers?

How many of you had the experience growing up of... Read More

There Must Be A Way Out!

He was pushing a cart containing crates of soft drinks... Read More

Quest for Freedom--A Story Of Pure Courage

The Nazis stormed into the house of Stanislavsky Lech, who... Read More

Problems Arent Bad After all!

At first glance, when tough times hit, it seems the... Read More

Fear No Evil - How To Avoid Worry And Fear

"Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow... Read More

I.Q. You Q. He, She, or It Qs.

I have, in recent years, come to believe that IQ... Read More

Thoughts on Loving

Loving. It seems like such a simple concept. But those... Read More

Psychic Sponge Syndrome: The Easy Inner-Centrifuge Remedy

Here's a nifty trick to use to clear yourself of... Read More

Improvisational

Why are we trying so hard? It is like we... Read More

Discover Your Passion

What are you passionate about? We didn't ask if you... Read More

Vistas

The other day I found myself frustrated with the slow... Read More

Lock In Your Legacy

You, my friend, are going to die.What? What kind of... Read More