A Brick Wall

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 18, 2003

Two years ago I divorced, and there is still a lot of hostility.

My former husband has been served with contempt papers for not paying child support. He says I am sending him to the poorhouse, but I have no recourse but to contact the court when the payments stop. He continues to blame me, even though two judges have explained it is the court which determines when contempt charges are filed.

My children require the necessities of life, which I provide, but he says the children are my responsibility and not to contact him, even if they become ill. He only interacts with them on scheduled weekends, and many times the weekends are cut short.

The home he purchased with his girlfriend includes a built-in swimming pool and two Jacuzzis. Last summer he asked me how it feels to work, and he explained he makes enough money his girlfriend gets to sit by the pool all summer. His girlfriend looks like a glittering Christmas tree with all the jewelry she wears.

I have tried to talk to him, but he says he is not listening and then belittles me. He buys food and clothing for his girlfriend's children, but he tells me I have messed up our children's lives and dress them in rags. That is not true. They are really great kids doing well in school.

I need some ideas how to try and talk to him to get my point across. How do I communicate my concerns to him?

Marlene

Marlene, you have communicated your concerns to him. He doesn't care. Your ex-husband doesn't want to support any woman he is not sleeping with, or her children. Your children have lost a father figure because their father does not see himself as their father.

There is another danger here. Children often respect the bad parent and respond to what that parent wants, while disrespecting the good parent. It is not simply that they pick up the difficult parent's attitude; they think by placating him they will get a father response out of him. But the end result is they may blame you.

Don't waste time thinking you will ever get through to this man. You are being emotionally battered and so are your children, which is a good reason to minimize contact with him.

His obligation to his children comes from the state in the same way the state determines which side of the road to drive on or when to pay taxes. Let the state enforce this obligation and don't explain or apologize for it.

Wayne & Tamara

Overreaction

My best friend lives across the street. Her daughter and mine play together all the time. Our husbands are best of friends, and we watch over each other's home when we are out of town.

When she got a part-time job, I started baby sitting her daughter. I had an interview one evening and left my daughter and hers with my husband. I was gone one hour. The next day she called me and told me all of a sudden she doesn't trust my husband with her daughter.

My husband is an elementary school teacher and loves children. This has upset me and hurt my feelings. She doesn't call now, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. Should I call first?

Christa

Christa, your neighbor is mad, and the question is why. If something actually occurred, she likely would have acted immediately.

She could be angry because for an hour she didn't know who was watching her child, or because you didn't share news of your interview with her. For the former, you can apologize. Tell her you didn't think. Your husband watches children more than you do, and it didn't dawn on you to let her know.

Finally, don't put yourself or your husband in this position with her again.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Songs of Life

I imagine when we die we find out how in-tune... Read More

Delay Can Reveal Doubts

Confident Expectation! The feeling of 'confidence' is the assurance that... Read More

Keep Hope Alive

"Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the... Read More

Inside Secrets On How To Stay Afloat During Tough Times

Do you find yourself asking questions when tough times come... Read More

A Bad Move

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 7,... Read More

Why My Wife Is My Hero

My name is Chas Brothers. Many of you know me... Read More

Revenge in the End is Bitter Sweet

We ALL think or have thought about it at one... Read More

Journaling for Two

Journaling is a powerful tool that can enhance our lives... Read More

Escape From the Dungeon: Jennifers Survival Story

Have you ever been encountered with a trauma in life... Read More

Big-Wave Mindfulness: Surfing For A Connection

Surfing is mindfulness in action. Riding the biggest waves is... Read More

Make A Difference - Just Go Make A Difference!

Three Words That Can Help Us Live Exceptional LivesCertain words... Read More

Adversity to Victory

The following is a true story about a young friend... Read More

Charge Your Imagination (3)

As we progress into the year, it is necessary for... Read More

The River of Life

I've always loved the awesome majesty of mountains. They are,... Read More

Fail Your Way To The Top

Have you had a challenging day or week? Feel a... Read More

Small Wonder

Wonder:~~To think or speculate curiously~~To be filled with admiration, amazement... Read More

Inspiration: Some Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far

Let's file this one under the heading of random musings... Read More

Healing from Within

"We are responsible for everything in our lives, including how... Read More

Does Your Childhood Hold You Back?

Have you come to a point in your life and... Read More

The Power Of Love In Your Life!

CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE!"If there is light in the soul, there... Read More

How A Sense Of Wonder Makes Life Richer

It always amazes me when I meet someone who has... Read More

Keep on Keeping on!

Whenever we are working on our dreams we are going... Read More

Opening the Heart and Exploring Beneath the Surface

Exploring beneath the surface of a reoccurring relationship issue can... Read More

Generosity Is The Seed Of Wealth

Generosity, which includes the free, no strings-attached sharing of resources,... Read More

Head First

I stepped up to the edge and looked down. I... Read More

A Word Fitly Spoken ~ Believe

A Word Fitly SpokenA word fitly spoken is like apples... Read More

Why Anyone Can Be Prosperous

In nature, when the season is right, all things flourish... Read More

On Sunsets and Telecom

Another perfect sunset seen from Redondo Beach, California. Since arriving... Read More

Dream Lover

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1,... Read More

All Is Going Well?

The true test in life does not occur when all... Read More

Finding Inspiration to Realise Your Dreams and Ambitions

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.... Read More

Surrender, Complete Healing, and the Garden of Eden

In 1982, I found myself in Eden. What I found... Read More

Attaining Financial Freedom

Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend... Read More