Exceptions To The Rule

Yesterday I turned 48, and she just turned 21. Uh-oh, I can hear the gears turning in your heads already.

She will graduate from university in England in June with a degree in psychology, and we have discussed her coming to live here with me in the States. So far she's come once, for a week, against her parents' better judgment. That's another story. I've been to see her twice, a week each time.

We are unbelievably content when we are together. It's as if we've been together all along. When I look at her, I don't see "21," I see a woman I am completely crazy about. When she holds my hand, my heart races.

At first I'm sure it was the novelty of the situation. She was enthralled with the spoilings and attention of an older man, although she's never asked me for anything. I was completely enraptured with the concept that a woman such as she would be interested in me, but it has gone past that for both of us.

Yes, it's a physical thing. The lovemaking is the most passionate I've ever experienced, but it's also become a thing of the heart. She has even mentioned (oh no!) marriage. And thus my question. Am I wrong for not being able to see this as permanent? With a 27 year age difference, how long could it realistically last?

For medical reasons, I can never give her children of her own, which is a very sore point with her parents. And for at least the next few years, she will have to deal with the social pressures of being with a man twice her age, which can be quite cruel. Acceptance on my end is not a problem. My close friends have met and like her, and she is emotionally beyond her years.

I've considered leaving things as they are. I think deep down I fear keeping her as my own will cheat her out of the best part of her youth. I am open to your comments and suggestions. I know that in the end, I (or we actually) will undoubtedly follow our hearts.

Arthur

Arthur, a short distance from our house is a roadway with a curve. It's a very mild curve. The road jogs a few feet to the left and then jogs a few feet back to the right. It's such a gentle curve it's hard to imagine it could ever be a problem. That's what the parents of the 20-year-old college student who died there must be thinking.

The accident happened at 11 o'clock in the morning, no drinking or excessive speed involved. Their son just missed the curve and hit a tree.

We cannot live our lives based on actuarial tables. Those tables describe the behavior of great masses of people, but they are a poor guide for individuals. Nonetheless, there are serious issues for the two of you to consider. Roll them around, look at them, turn them over. Love may lead you in either direction.

She is on the cusp of adulthood. You are more than a generation apart, and age difference will be a factor for her the entire time you are together. If having children with her husband is an imperative, this relationship can't succeed. If her parents' approval is an absolute requirement, that is another barrier.

Give yourself enough time to see if the novelty wears off. You have been with each other only a short period. See if the love grows and builds and if issues are resolved.

Most people who marry are close in age, and half of American marriages end in divorce. Age does not make or break a relationship. Love makes or breaks a relationship.

Actuarially speaking, the odds are against you, but actuarial tables are not a basis for living a life.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 29, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Control Your Own Destiny

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can... Read More

Play a BIGGER role in life!

Did you ever think that you are not playing the... Read More

Spiritual Evolution: A Journey of Truth

BORN OF BODY AND SPIRITWe are born of the body... Read More

Adversity to Victory

The following is a true story about a young friend... Read More

To Raise Your Frequency, Just Turn on the Joy!

The feeling response to being filled up with Love from... Read More

Energy Work Basics Part 4: Imagine!

Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge".Did you know... Read More

Breaking Bonds

I am just out of high school, and I have... Read More

Remember Within

Remember when you were really young? It was an era... Read More

Who Is Dr Robert Anthony and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes?

So who is Dr Robert Anthony?He is the best-selling author... Read More

Keeping Your Attitude Up When Circumstances Are Down

Everyone knows that a positive attitude is key to the... Read More

Charity ? Give To Receive!

We all know the truism that "charity begins at home."... Read More

Create Your Own Self Esteem - Part 1

Self-esteem is something that we all wish we had more... Read More

Growing From Good To Great

I have never been fond of white-water rafting, probably because... Read More

Money or Faith?

I've been to 64-countries, and yes money comes in handy,... Read More

Misplaced Allegiance

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 23,... Read More

Call To Action

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3,... Read More

Here is The Inspirational Wisdom From The Masters

Have you always wanted to do invent something, create something,... Read More

Create Your Way Out of It

When life has you feeling less than happy, and you... Read More

Everyone Has Been Hurt..... Part 5

Continued...About a year later I met my husband. I met... Read More

The Women At The Cross (Reflections On The Death And Resurrection Of Jesus)

The women at the cross. Have you ever thought about... Read More

Divination

A LOST WORLD OF SOULWhen you hear the word 'divination',... Read More

I Hate My Computer and Other Inspirational Thoughts

The New Year has not started out very well for... Read More

Labor That Works Miracles

(excerpted from The Challenge to Succeed series)Two thousand years ago... Read More

The Climbs In Our Lives

I grew up climbing mountains. Mountains are beautiful and challenging,... Read More

Tim McGraw had it Right - Live Like You Are Dying!

Chorus: An' he said: "I went ski diving, I went... Read More

Bus Driver By Day, Online Business Success By Night

Janine Wachowski, a long-time resident of South Elgin, Illinois, drives... Read More

Take Action and Make a Better World

Albert Einstein is quoted as having said, "the world is... Read More

The Cracked Pot

Letters on Life#3Some experiences you never forget. In some of... Read More

The Power of Courtesy and Kindness

I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of... Read More

Make Mistakes! Its Okay - Really!

When you fall, do you get right back up? Do... Read More

How Healing The Past Empowers Your Future

Everyday I meet people who have a chronic upset that... Read More

Everyday is a Gift, Open and Enjoy It

There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser... Read More

Self Acceptance ? Lessons From My Hair Affair

For our diet and, indeed, in every aspect of our... Read More