Fickle Fates

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 19, 2004

I am currently involved in a wonderful year-long relationship with a man I've known for ten years. We dated briefly all those years ago, but I wound up marrying someone else. To make a long story short, I should have listened to the fates back then.

Recently I was contacted by another man I dated briefly right after high school. Our relationship ended in a gross misunderstanding. I thought I was getting signals from him to get lost, so I did. I was very hurt, and I have thought about him many times over the years. I found out in a recent meeting that I got the wrong signals and he has always been in love with me.

During this meeting the chemistry was very strong, but I would do nothing to betray my current boyfriend. You should also know I moved several times during that time period, and I believe he was looking for me but could not find me.

My problem is making a decision. I've compared the two, and I keep coming up with a true feeling of torn. I've done the pros and cons paperwork only to find each has the same amount of qualities I love. If I let one go, I will most likely spend my life wondering. One is wine and roses, the other is picnics and wildflowers?and I like both.

Penelope

Penelope, in ancient Greece people listened to the fates by going to the temple of Apollo at Delphi, and asking the Delphic oracle for advice. The oracle would inhale the vapors from a cavern in the temple, enter a trance, then make a prophecy.

The most famous prophecy was to King Croesus, who asked if he should attack the Persians. The oracle ambiguously said, "If Croesus attacks the Persians, he will destroy a great empire." Croesus thought this was favorable advice, but when he attacked, the great empire he destroyed was his own.

Last year some scientists published a paper suggesting the vapor in the cavern at Delphi was ethylene, a compound which produces the same effect as "huffing," sniffing glue or paint thinner. In your case, we suspect the fates have been both speaking in riddles and sniffing glue.

Your feelings for neither man are strong enough that you could marry one without regret. Marry no one until you feel love without doubt.

Wayne & Tamara

Second Time Around

I am a 22-year-old female having a ridiculous problem getting over the fact my fiance was married before. We recently became engaged, and now the issue has become even more magnified for me. It upsets me to the point I'm afraid I might just tell him to forget the whole thing.

Aside from this, he is a really great guy and we get along terrifically. But I cannot get over the fact I am not the first person he's felt this way about. It cheapens it for me. When I remember he has already spit out vows for someone else, has already had wedding night sex, has already gone on a honeymoon, I don't feel special.

When we are at his mother's apartment, which used to be his apartment with his wife, I get filled with anger and start being mean to him. This is totally unfair. Even typing this makes me feel like a jackass, but I seriously can't help it.

Jackie

Jackie, a song made popular by Kathy Mattea says, "You've got to sing like you don't need the money, Love like you'll never get hurt. You've got to dance like nobody's watching?" Everything, according to the song, must come straight from the heart without reservation.

You have a reservation about your fiance, and it is something he can never change. You are latching on to his past to stop something you don't wish to occur. We would not dismiss your reservations. Neither should you.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

5 Notions That Americans Should Put Out To Pasture

Wisdom and knowledge come from the same family but are... Read More

You Can Make a Difference

When I study of world these days, I see a... Read More

Abused as a Child

Child abuse is a much more common event, than is... Read More

Careful What You Wish For...

I have always been fascinated by the concept of "wishing.",... Read More

What is Passion?

What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once... Read More

Live the Adventure!

Think of an adventure that you might like to take.... Read More

Life Lessons I Learned from My Cat

Even if you are not a cat person, bear with... Read More

Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life

More things I've noticed along the way:* Our son's birthday... Read More

Attaining Financial Freedom

Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend... Read More

What Movies Can Teach You About Meaningful Coincidences (Use Them to Get What You Want)

When you have your dream clear in your mind and... Read More

Its About That Time

As we've reached the half way point of the year... Read More

Borne Upon the Wings of Words

How often do you have opportunities every day to exercise... Read More

Beyond the River: Kabbalahs Guidance for Our Times

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and... Read More

Basic Buddhism - Doing What is Right

I find of particular interest in the Eastern Religions many... Read More

Life lessons - An Inpirational Story

Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with... Read More

Afraid of The Light?

Plato once said, "It is easy to forgive a small... Read More

Self Esteem - What It Really Is and How to Raise It

Self esteem.Now there's a well used and little understood term.... Read More

Tending the Fire

In old buildings there was a boiler room where men... Read More

Ctrl-Alt-Delete Your Life

Ah, the good old "Vulcan nerve pinch", the three-fingered salute,... Read More

What Will I Do When I Grow Up? Says The 45 Year Old Woman

I have always rather envied those people who have a... Read More

Using Failure to Further Your Future

"You may have to fight a battle more than once... Read More

Principles That Govern My Life

The strength and durability of a building is found in... Read More

Things Happen Without Reason

Sometimes things happen in life for apparently no reason at... Read More

Life is About Choosing

Back to our youth days, we were taught that by... Read More

Dont Ever Give Up

There is a reason I never gave up. A reason... Read More

How I Made $10,000 In One Day By Swimming Underwater!

"Without health, life is not life; it is only a... Read More

Why Self Esteem Matters

A number of years ago I worked for one of... Read More

Forgotten Dreams: At the End... Part I

Treasures of a lifetime...At the end of your life will... Read More

The Climbs In Our Lives

I grew up climbing mountains. Mountains are beautiful and challenging,... Read More

The Best Policy

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28,... Read More

When Human Beings Take It To The Limit

In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to... Read More

Overcoming Fear of Terrorism

This week I did a radical thing. I bought a... Read More

Being An Adult

I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of... Read More