Heavy Weather Guide

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26, 2004

My girlfriend and I are basically the same age, just a six month difference. When I went to buy the engagement ring in February, I felt certain she was the right one. She accepted my proposal by saying, "If we go slow?"

We've been doing that. We had the ring resized to fit her finger, and the wedding wasn't to be until Easter 2006. This morning she broke it off. We were happy and taking it slow, but for some reason it felt fast to her. Right from the start, her relatives pressured her to break up. She asked me questions, I answered honestly, and my answers were acceptable.

I want to get married and have my own happy family in the next five years. Preferably in the next two. This afternoon I even cried. What can or should I do? I know suicide's not the answer, but maybe it would make a difference to her and them. No, I don't want to do that, but like I said, I'm feeling sad today.

Michael

Michael, on a merchant ship the second mate is responsible for navigation. Traditionally, each morning the mate would rise, take a fix on the stars, and recompute a fresh course to the destination. This is necessary because the wind and sea push the ship off yesterday's course.

The mate can chart a course and ring up the speed, but the sea determines when the ship will arrive. There is no point fighting against the sea, or against life. Ordinarily when a person thinks of suicide, it is because they are holding to a fixed idea, and they cannot imagine life in any other way. But life is full of possibilities.

If your depression is serious, seek help. But your sadness seems based on rigid expectations. You have a schedule in your head, and you want life to conform to your schedule. In the next two years you want to find a woman who loves you, whom you love, who will marry you, and produce children. That sounds more like ordering a new car than love.

Out of great love for someone who loves you, come a family and happiness. Where is the great love for this woman in your letter? No, what we hear is the two year schedule. What we hear is the difference between this woman, and your plans for a woman.

Life, and people, cannot be bent to your will. Surrender your schedule and allow your life to unfold.

The traditional farewell of a mariner is wishing a friend fair winds and a following sea. But the truth is we learn more about ourselves and our ship in a storm than in calm waters.

Wayne & Tamara

Seesaw

I'm a single woman who is intelligent, kindhearted, and attractive. I recently ended a relationship with a man I'll call Jordan. Jordan slowly moved from wanting to spend every moment with me to "needing some space."

Jordan is bipolar and refuses to seek help, and my attempts to help left him better and me with an hour of sleep. Recently we enjoyed a great afternoon when he invited me to a party. Well, the last time we went to a party, I was basically "left by the punchbowl." When I gently expressed my concern, he screamed, "Get out!" Which I promptly did.

I realize I'm stupid to want anything but to move on, but for curiosity's sake, because it's driving me crazy, what on earth is his problem? We seem to want the same thing, each other, yet he's going back and forth faster than a swing.

Darlene

Darlene, you ask what on earth is his problem. To borrow a phrase from teenagers, "Duh?" He is an unmedicated, bipolar person.

As long as he won't address the problem of his mood swings, there is no place on the swing for you.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Dread Disease Dragged Out My Best

In denial, I was slow to accept Multiple Sclerosis. Who,... Read More

Growing From Good To Great

I have never been fond of white-water rafting, probably because... Read More

From the Hint of a Rainbow to...

The grey sky of morning contained an ominous quality. The... Read More

Learn From Failure and Confirm with Success

Both failure and success are good... if you know what... Read More

Abundance Is A Life Style

Abundance is a life style, a way of living your... Read More

Attaining Financial Freedom

Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend... Read More

The Meaning of Life - Not Just Another Dust in the Wind Theory

I grew up in the south in the 1960's. Married... Read More

Fear Factor

What is it that stops you from jumping off a... Read More

How To Weather Lifes Inevitable Storms

In the Northeast, we have a few months to prepare... Read More

Inspired For Women

One man can make a difference. I've been saying this... Read More

The Minds Fancy Dress Party -Or- A Brainstorming Session

In Berlin a restaurant opens for anorexics and in Buffalo... Read More

How to Overcome Loneliness

Nowadays the majority of people live in very large cities.... Read More

Beyond the River: Kabbalahs Guidance for Our Times

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and... Read More

Such Love Transforms

Everything was arranged: once the funeral was over, all were... Read More

Good Morning... Please...Thank-you!!

When I was a child, I remember that my parents... Read More

Dreams and Desires, Wants and Wishes Journals

Have you ever dreamed of a new house? Have you... Read More

A Pre-existing Condition

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 2,... Read More

Self Talk: What Do You Say When You Talk to Yourself?

You have just completed a major work project before the... Read More

Anamcara - Being Forever Enough

When was the last time you felt you were enough... Read More

Case Closed

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 27,... Read More

Everyone Has Been Hurt ....Part 6

Continued....I have since grown a lot. I have grown through... Read More

Stop Trying to be Perfect

In the moment of completing a thought or action, it... Read More

?Back to CYA on a Mission?

Six former wards came back to the California Youth Authority... Read More

Sixty-Second Caring

"How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before... Read More

The Bouncer (Turning Defeat into Victory)

I'm a pretty competitive guy, though I try to keep... Read More

Life lessons - An Inpirational Story

Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with... Read More

Pattern of Ripples

The Emmaus Journal Pattern of RipplesPicture within your mind an... Read More

Remember The Titans --Let Them Never Forget...

In the popular movie, "Remember the Titans" most of us... Read More

Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ?

This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate?... Read More

Have You Voted Today

Huh? You're probably wondering when this article was written, and... Read More

Time for Sunshine

Having spring around makes you feel different after such a... Read More

8 Ways to Get Your Healthy Groove On

You've heard the saying, "You are what you eat." I... Read More

About Self Love

1. How do I love myself?2. How can I feel... Read More