Why Self Esteem Matters

A number of years ago I worked for one of the UK's top IT companies -- a global player. We were meeting to discuss a major bid, and the room was filled with people who didn't meet often -- the most senior managers from a number of divisions. There were very few middle tier managers in the room, almost exclusively senior managers who were accustomed to being 'top dog'. The atmosphere in that room was almost tangible. I wanted to bottle the air and analyse it later -- I had never experienced such naked power, and it dawned on me in that moment that we are almost blind to the status signals we transmit.

That meeting was an epiphany, and led to me becoming a hypnotherapist with a particular interest in researching confidence and self esteem. Because what I discovered in that company, and in many companies I have assisted subsequently, was the startling fact that an individual's self-esteem is a reliable indicator of how far they will progress in the organisation. Some technical geniuses can buck the trend, but they are very rare. For most of us, our ability to influence decision-making is precisely limited by our self esteem.

Why does this matter? It matters because the person with the greatest self esteem is not necessarily the right person to be making the key decisions. We have all suffered foolish bosses. Perhaps we have all wondered how on earth they reached such positions of seniority, given their obvious shortcomings. If you will excuse the bluntness: that incompetent boss is there because you haven't yet been sufficiently convincing. Your performance is perhaps the least important aspect on which you will be judged; what matters is your status in the group.

Status is a fascinating topic. We communicate our status constantly, primarily through body language and voice tone. This communication is unconscious; it is felt rather than known or consciously controlled. The way in which you behave reflects your self perception of status. This is either accepted or challenged by the people around you. A dominant person (relative to you) will cause you to back off from a challenge. A submissive person (again, relative to your own status) will make it easy for you to project your will. For a fuller discussion of this topic, please visit http://www.confidenceclub.net/cont ent/statusconfidence.php.

And so we come to the nub. We should all seek to develop our self esteem, not because of the personal benefits which will flow from this personal growth -- career enhancement, improved love life etc -- but because we have a duty to ourselves and our communities. Until and unless we step up to the plate, our communities will remain vulnerable to an almost random process of leader selection. So ask yourself: 'Am I allowing less talented people to make decisions on my behalf?' If the answer is 'yes', then perhaps you should consider stepping up to the plate yourself. The first step in this process is building up your own self confidence and self esteem. Don't be bashful; there's nothing selfish about developing your own qualities. A community with a rich selection of potential leaders is, in my view, a secure community.

Jim Sullivan is a hypnotherapist specialising in confidence development and stress management. He may be contacted via his Confidence Club website http://www.confidenceclub.net

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


How Healing The Past Empowers Your Future

Everyday I meet people who have a chronic upset that... Read More

Psychic Sponge Syndrome: The Easy Inner-Centrifuge Remedy

Here's a nifty trick to use to clear yourself of... Read More

The Finer, and Finest, Things in Life

In America, we have a saying: The finer things in... Read More

Finding Inspiration to Realise Your Dreams and Ambitions

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.... Read More

Why Should We Keep Our Thoughts Clear?

From my experience some healings come instantly or during short... Read More

The Cracked Pot

Letters on Life#3Some experiences you never forget. In some of... Read More

The Day I First Believed

I was eight years old, over four decades ago and... Read More

Walking on a Path of Life

We set out walking along a route where one foot... Read More

Time to Change the World!

Here's something you can do each day that will REALLY... Read More

A Cat In The Hand Is Worth Two Birds In The Bush!

I bought this computer just over two years ago with... Read More

Borne Upon the Wings of Words

How often do you have opportunities every day to exercise... Read More

Just Let ?Em Go!

I remember when I was just a little guy probably... Read More

Life Inspiration: 12 Tips for Successful Living

1. Constant affirmation without accountability is a sure-fire way to... Read More

Fashionably Late

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 6,... Read More

Top 20 Love Quotations

"In real love you want the other person's good. In... Read More

My Passion, My Life

Every morning I excitedly get out of bed. Just a... Read More

What To Do When You Dont Know What To Do

It is often difficult to know exactly what to do.... Read More

Sixty-Second Caring

"How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before... Read More

Recipe for Success

"Desire is a tremendous force, and must be directed in... Read More

Parental Consent

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 11,... Read More

Emancipation

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 8,... Read More

Magical Wreaths

Wreaths are like rings. They represent the Universal Circle ("Let... Read More

Why You Are Special and Why Does It Matter

Why 'you are special'?Why and how does it matter?Things you... Read More

The Procrastinating Perfectionist

Are you a procrastinating perfectionist? I once read an article... Read More

The Right Approach

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 9,... Read More

Who is My Mother?

Text: Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3: 31-35, Luke 8:19Mother's Day has... Read More

The Most Famous Line I Never Wrote

There is one line that can dramatically impact your life... Read More

Re-Define Realistic: True Power Series

This is the eighth article in our "True Power" series.... Read More

The Karate Kid

I have an unexpected relationship problem. It's hard to believe... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement

1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. Look it... Read More

How To Walk On The Path Of Peace (Part 1)

As there are silent depths in the ocean, which the... Read More

A Pre-existing Condition

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 2,... Read More

You Are a Beautiful Person

I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More