Adages for the New Age

The old familiar adages just don't do it for me any more. For instance, consider "the early bird gets the worm." In this age of freelancing, premature ejaculation and peaking too early in one's career (by age 24) a more appropriate adage might be "The early bird dies earlier."

Another one that has been puzzling me lately is "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise.' Sure it does if the woman is staying up late cleaning the house and taking care of the kids after working a full day at the office. Not only is the adage sexist but it also doesn't make any sense. Most people who work these hours slave at low paying jobs with little chance at advancement. Shouldn't it read, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes the corporation I slave for wealthy and wise?"

"The doors of wisdom are never shut." This also should be revised to read, "The doors of a 24 hour Drug or Convenience Store are never shut." It is more truthful.

Another migraine-maker is "You reap what you sow." Now whether this is supposed to apply to gardening or whatever, we know this is not true. Many individuals slave for years on projects that don't pay off, couples copulate to try and have babies with no result and people sow wheat all the time only to have it destroyed by frost or rainstorms. In these hard times, doesn't a saying such as "You reap what is available" make much more sense?

Also problematic is the ultimate adage about being sweet -- you "attract more flies with honey." The trouble with this kind of "honey" is it also attracts other creatures such as raccoons, bears and others that would rape you of your charms. Also I am very suspicious of charming people. Often they want to borrow money from you or some other favour. I think it should be changed to "Beware those bearing gifts of honey, as they probably want bread."

I also have a problem with "He who laughs last, laughs best." I think that should be changed to "He who laughs last, laughs alone." Nobody likes a joke at his or her expense.

A bird in the hand is definitely NOT worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand is worth about $2.99 a pound!

I also think "crime doesn't pay" should be revised to read, "Crime does pay, especially if you are a politician."

I would like to also suggest some new adages that are more appropriate for the 21st century:

"Lips that taste wine, shall never touch mine" should be changed to "Lips that taste wine shall never die from a heart attack."

Longing for the pre-Plague era? How about: "Let's put the promise back in promiscuity."

How about "A Rolling Stone gathers no taxes, (especially if they relocate to Switzerland)."

"Do unto others as you would have them do onto you unless you are a sadist."

"A Fool and his furniture are soon parted, especially if there is no downpayment for a year!"

After observing the neighbor across the way, I also came up "Fools who live in glass houses should not strut around naked in front of the window after a shower."

"There's no fool like an old fool" should be replaced with "age and treachery outwits beauty and youth every time."

In these conscientious times, Make Love Not War' would have to be changed to "Make Love Wearing the Appropriate Contraception not War.

I've always thought that saying "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" makes more sense in reverse. "Angels rush in where even fools fear to tread..." I am thinking about firefighters, policeman, charitable workers, Greenpeace and other angels on earth.

One of the only adages that makes sense to me is the Chinese one "The Bigger The Front, the Bigger the back." Think about it, it makes sense.

I am also fond of the old Jamaican adage "Cat Don't Make No Dog." Well unless you factor in bioengineering in which case it is possible that a cat can make a dog. After all "With God, Anything is Possible and that is What I Am Afraid Of."

Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you wish to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click here http://www.insomniacpress.com/author.php?id=1 10 You can meet Samantha Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com

---

The Nature of Anger

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Universal Thought Systems Language Part 2

Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More

Wake-Up Call

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 7,... Read More

Life Lessons I Learned from My Cat

Even if you are not a cat person, bear with... Read More

Freudian Slip

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 17,... Read More

Surefire Ways to Develop a Thankful Attitude

Spend some time thinking about how good you have it.... Read More

To Raise Your Frequency, Just Turn on the Joy!

The feeling response to being filled up with Love from... Read More

Call To Action

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3,... Read More

Directions For Life

Give people more than they expect and do it... Read More

Doing the Remarkable

When it comes to meeting and conquering the negativity in... Read More

The Shattered Identity

I. ExpositionIn the movie "Shattered" (1991), Dan Merrick survives an... Read More

Loving You

The difficulty in finding love that is good for you... Read More

The Inspiration Factor

The first thing that an aspiring leader must realize is... Read More

Whats Simple?

If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery... Read More

Tighten Your Connection

It was my first and last experience with a pneumatic... Read More

Its The Little Things That Count

Have you ever been in the situation where you have... Read More

How I Made $10,000 In One Day By Swimming Underwater!

"Without health, life is not life; it is only a... Read More

A Reason For Living in a Nutshell

In brief, my book A REASON FOR LIVING is the... Read More

The Monkey With The Wooden Apples

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating... Read More

Lessons about Life in an Unexpected Place

Did you ever receive a gift in an unexpected place?I... Read More

Weapons of Mass Distraction

Anything that draws one away from the business of living... Read More

Re-Define Realistic: True Power Series

This is the eighth article in our "True Power" series.... Read More

False Prophets

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12,... Read More

Imagine How Different The World Would Look Just By Knowing What Type of Learner You Are

Are you a listener or a writer type of learner?President... Read More

Its The Journey, Not The Destination

Don't you just hate clichés like the one illustrated in... Read More

Go Where No Man Or Woman Has Gone Before

"It`s life Jim but not as we know it." -SpockIn... Read More

Brilliant Autumn: Reaping a Bounteous Harvest

"But if in your thought you must measure time into... Read More

Ctrl-Alt-Delete Your Life

Ah, the good old "Vulcan nerve pinch", the three-fingered salute,... Read More

Are YOU Ready for Bonza Bottler Day?

BONZA BOTTLER DAY is any day when the date and... Read More

Anamchara - Living An Essential Life

What is essential in your life? This question contains one... Read More

Been There, Done That

Fourteen years ago I was divorced from my second wife,... Read More

Do You Suffer From The Chef Personality?

As a chef I have a unique perspective on anger.In... Read More

Clearing Your Inner Landscape: Freeing Yourself From Emotional Deadwood

Do you suffer from emotional clutter? Is suffering even the... Read More