Your Perfect Partner

A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great "catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why her relationships always seemed to fail.

Here's what she wrote to us-- "I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched, hoping for love to come my way. Then I started reading your newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage from my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did."

In this situation, Jane has an incredible opportunity in front of her. She can continue as she has been, being fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about her patterns from the past.

It's been our experience that we attract the people into our lives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, new possibilities for the future, and the contrast of what we want and don't want in our lives.

We take the rather contrarian view that there are no relationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to heal, learn, grow and experience joy.

Even though "Jane" thought her relationships were failures, each one was actually another chance to become more emotionally aware of what was going on inside her, what she wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity to heal and create new ways to do it differently.

What we have found is that we keep attracting the same type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences into our lives until we heal the past and "do it differently."

Otto's car is a black Buick Century with leather seats. He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffers in his "hot" car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroom floor, but his day-to-day experience has given him a powerful lesson of what he doesn't want in a car. As you can imagine, he's made a clear intention through the power of contrast that his next car will not be black or have leather seats.

He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18 years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with no air-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning of August. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweat dripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have another black car.

Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed to bring another black car into his experience.

The point is that Otto has finally learned from this valuable experience and will do it differently the next time, although he really likes a lot about his current car.

This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what you want and what you don't want and of learning from past experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunities for expansion and growth.

Please don't misunderstand us and think that we are recommending that because you don't like something about your current partner or job that you "throw them away" and get another "model."

What we are recommending is that you take the opportunity to become emotionally aware, like "Jane" did, as much of the time as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you.

We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want.

Here are some ideas to help you...

1. Whenever something is important to you, don't stuff it down and pretend it doesn't matter. Have the courage to share it with your partner.

2. Accept responsibility for your part in past relationships that haven't worked out the way you wanted them to work out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will show you where you need to heal.

3. Know that there's no such thing as failure in relationships, only experiences that you may not have enjoyed.

4. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened in your relationships up until now, the future can be different.

So in a sense, each person who comes into our lives is "the perfect partner" for us if we use these experiences that we have with them to heal, learn and grow.

*********
Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Creating Relationship Trust". In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit http://www.collinspartners.com http://www.RelationshipTrust.com

---

Joy Is Sexy

Joy is sexy because in embracing our joy, we embrace... Read More

Self Confidence, Happiness, and Posture

Our use of body posture plays a key role in... Read More

The American Dream ? At What Cost?

When people are asked, "How many of you are content... Read More

Ode to Chocolate

Chocolate delays reality. When I am eating chocolate, everything is... Read More

Happiness - A Choice You Must Make

Over the course of my life's journey I have come... Read More

Mexican Living: What Makes You Happy?

Many ask me this question: "Did moving to Mexico make... Read More

The Happiness of Others

Is there any necessary connection between our actions and the... Read More

A Bad Hairdresser Day

"Hey everybody!" Hairdresser Lady called out. "It's The Happy Guy.""Don't... Read More

Getting Connected

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise... Read More

Finding Your Life Purpose

You have a purpose in life. You have a unique... Read More

Life Purpose: How To Be in Love with Life

Falling In Love with LifeThere is no feeling in the... Read More

How To Live Happily Ever After

In life, many of us simply plunge ahead, only to... Read More

The Secret to Staying Centered and Happy in a Troubled World

Many of us are probably so used to crisis in... Read More

Happiness and Keeping Ahead of the Joneses

Imagine that the Internal Revenue Service in your country claimed... Read More

Are You Doing What You Love Each And Every Day?

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day... Read More

Today It Is ... Tomorrow It Will Be ...

What is your life like today? What do you want... Read More

Life Management Skills for Greater Happiness

"Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but... Read More

Happiness

Without getting into the core basics of philosophy, I will... Read More

Simple Pleasures: Ingredients to Feed Your Spirit.

"When we do something we love, again and again, our... Read More

Seven Steps to a Better Day

Are you tired of the same routine day after day?... Read More

Shhhhh?

Like enough of the noise awready! Geesh, people?No, I'm not... Read More

Happiness - Not Something To Pursue

Perhaps the most sought after thing in the world is... Read More

The Art Of Happy Living

What do you think about happiness? A philosophical approach to... Read More

How Can I Tell What Vibes Im Sending Out?

The Law of Attraction exists in your life right now;... Read More

7 Surprising Keys to Happiness

Have you ever had one of those days where you... Read More

Be Happy, Join The Wednesday Worry Club

Of all the people who know me, no one would... Read More

Dont Let Life Happen to You

Don't Let Life Happen To You ... Read More

Give a Hug for Happiness

Hugs have a long and honorable tradition, going back to... Read More

Love Yourself First ? Im Happy. Youre Happy. Were All Happy!

As a teenager growing up reading 'Blue Jeans' and 'Jackie',... Read More

Love and Laughter ? Celebrating the Gift of Life

Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time... Read More

4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends: Don?t be a Thunder Dog!

Imagine humungous, bulbous, billowing alto-cumulus clouds building higher and higher... Read More

Acts of Kindness Benefit Everyone

Do you really want to be happy? Everyone says yes,... Read More

Happiness. Its Between Our Ears!

Happiness is something we all seek, yet few of us... Read More