Miracles?

If we were to organize a list of the thorniest problems for the bereaved, certainly somewhere near the top would be the question of miracles. Everybody has heard anecdotal stories of certain people who have suffered incredible, life-threatening injuries or illness, but who have somehow recovered against all odds. A woman who has been in a coma for two years suddenly hears her husband's voice and awakens. A teenage victim of an automobile accident who was reportedly given no hope of recovery finally responds to the unwavering faith and persistent attention of a loving mother...and on it goes.

Depending on who's doing the reporting, the stories can range from inspirational to downright incredible! They demand our attention from the front pages of our daily newspapers or on our TV screens and they are recorded in detail in countless books and magazines. But it is because of their rarity that these stories are so prominent. Those of us whose loved ones died occupy by far the more populous arenas.

Make no mistake here. No one is happier for these victims and their families than the bereaved. The grief-stricken whose outcome was not so positive know only too well the pain and suffering that these families have been spared. We really do rejoice with them in their victories. We also, however, have to wonder if they ever take into consideration that the cavalier accounting of their experiences can be like an arrow through our hearts?

When we are exposed to the gospel of someone who by all rights should have died, but didn't, we are often told that it was prayer or faith or enormous self-discipline on the part of a loved one that "pulled them back." It's not that we question their faith or their determination, we're just wondering why it didn't work for us, too. We wonder why it feels like we failed-or worse, as if God just didn't care about us. (Lots of times, I think we're mad at God when our arrows should really be pointed at some of the people who need a little more education, and maybe some manners.)

We loved, too; we cared, prayed, talked, sang, read and stood by with vigilance while the lives of our loved ones slipped away from us. "Did God love us less?" we ask. "Was there even a moment when our attention was elsewhere, and it shouldn't have been?" We torture ourselves with the inquisition of guilt, regret and remorse. Our muscles turn to jelly, and tears fill our eyes as we replay in our minds the scenarios of agony that have slipped beyond our earthly grasp. We stumble around the "what ifs" and "if onlys"-sometimes for the rest of our days.

Though our faith may tell us that we're just as valuable to God as anybody else, we're tangled up in our feelings. Grief hurts so much anyway, and if we add spiritual failure, it becomes nearly unbearable.

Miracles are just that, miracles. They do not happen casually or often; if they did, they wouldn't be miracles. Their purpose is to alert us to God's message, not to call attention to man's skill or power. They were not meant to make us defeated or discouraged because they didn't happen to us or to those we love.

When Jesus called Lazarus forth from the grave, He said, "Lazarus, come forth." It has been suggested that had He not said Lazarus' name, all the deceased would have been raised! There were surely people in the area who either witnessed this incredible event or heard about it later. They had to wonder why not their loved ones, too? We don't know all the reasons or answers to that, but we do know one thing: Lazarus and all the "resurrected" like him still had to die again, sometime.

So, it would seem kinder if the temporarily "lucky" would try to refrain from sounding too pious and judgmental. They may yet have to stand in the shoes of sorrow.

Personally, I believe that our loved ones who died got the big hurdle out of the way. It looks like they got the real miracle!

Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. Almost thirty years of experience in leading grief support gropus, writing, editing, and founding a national grief-support magazine has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources. The primary goal of Good Grief Resources is to connect the bereaved and their caregivers with as many bereavement support resources as possible in one, efficient and easy-to-use website directory.

---

Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died.... Read More

Angelo Dies

Angelo C, was a good man that never did any... Read More

How Can I Transform Tragedy?

There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that... Read More

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of... Read More

Grief

If you have ever lost someone dear to you it... Read More

Coping with Grief - Its Called Living Through It

"Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she's dead."... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More

The Twists and Turns of Life

When I was born in 1962 I thought life was... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel... Read More

Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief

When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house,... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own... Read More

Grief

I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped... Read More

If Ever It Is Me

With my father, his brother and their father having had... Read More

Miracles?

If we were to organize a list of the thorniest... Read More

Watching Death

Like it or not, we think in line with our... Read More

Present Moment Awareness: Lessons From My Dog

I've always waited for the perfect moment to be happy:... Read More

Dealing With Grief and Loss - How to Mend a Broken Heart

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us... Read More

Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo

Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for... Read More

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states... Read More

What this Rabbi Learned from Not being Re-hired

It's a familiar story, and I have been through it... Read More

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in... Read More

How My Four Your Old Son Reacted To The Death Of His Great Nanny Biscuits

My nan was called Margaret and lived until the age... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More

Online Memorial ? A Dedication of Love for Your Departed Loved Ones

Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can... Read More

Angel of Comfort... The Story

I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while... Read More

Traumas as Social Interactions

("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").We... Read More

Sympathy Messages

The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

When The Spirit Leaves The Body

Do you spend most of your time inside or outside... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More