Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where one of the keys wasn't working? Or made cookies and left out an ingredient? Perhaps you've started listening to a favorite CD, and just when it gets to your favorite part of your favorite song, you realize that there is a scratch in it.

In some ways, losing a loved one is similar. Here you are going easily through life, and then, BAM, they are gone and life will never be the same. That piano piece sounds different because the middle C is broken, the cookies just aren't the same, and at times, we are frustrated like we are when our CD gets scratched. Unfortunately, with the loss of a loved one, it is more difficult to fix than the piano or the batch of cookies, and your loved one was irreplaceable, unlike the CD. Short and simple, this is what grieving is: learning to cope with the loss of someone who was apart of what made us what we are. So, what do we do? How do we go on after they are gone? I have a few suggestions that might help you through.

First of all, just as each of us has different personalities, each of us grieves in a different way. There is no right or wrong way to feel or act, as long as you are not endangering yourself or others. Some of us cry. Others of us bury ourselves in work or hobbies. If the person is still living and only the relationship has changed, it is very easy for us to do all we can to change things back to how they used to be. At times, it may take a while to truly even admit that they are gone. We just might feel numb. Some of us might even feel guilty if we don't feel sad enough! So, take your feelings and actions for what they are and be patient with yourself. After all, you have just lost a part of what makes you who you are.

Also, find a way to transition your loved one into your new life�. My father in law lost his dad last year and he hung a picture of him up in the living room to remember him. Others write goodbye letters to their loved one, giving themselves a chance to tell them things that they never got to say. Some of us keep a little box full of pictures and memories only to be taken out when we want to remember them, because remembering them all the time would be too overwhelming. I had a friend who's little brother died. She got married on his birthday as a way to include him at her wedding. Once again, it depends on you and your relationship with the one you loved. For instance, burning every picture you had of an ex-boyfriend might be the perfect way to transition.

Another thing, you usually don't ever "get over it." Your loved one is gone. If you no longer have an ingredient to make cookies, it's easy to realize that replacing it with a different ingredient would not make the cookies start tasting like they used to. To expect that you will be able to replace your loved one is also unrealistic. This reality may sound even more depressing. Frankly, I love chocolate chip cookies, and the idea of not ever having one again is quite upsetting! But in time, if I had to, I could grow to love other sweets, like banana bread, sweet potato pie, or brownies. So, even if you aren't going to get over it, in time, you will adapt to the loss and find fulfillment through other experiences and relationships.

So, be patient with yourself. Losing someone isn't easy. It turns your life upside down. Naturally, it's going to take a while to pick up the pieces and transition to life without your loved one. Remember, Beethoven composed some beautiful music after losing his hearing, and you will find happiness and fulfillment again in your life after losing your loved one.

�Wordern, J.W. (1991). Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A guidebook for the Mental Health Practitioner. Springer Publishing

Hello, I'm Wendy Bridger. Thanks for reading my article. Surely you have more unanswered questions, or want to know more about me. Here's how I can help. Go to http://www.stratateam.com/news/anmviewe r.asp?a=87&z=2 and simply ask me your personal question related to the article, and I will respond to you privately.

---

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in... Read More

Made in Heaven

Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of... Read More

Sympathy Messages

The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult... Read More

When Sorrow Is Too Great to Be Borne Alone, Support Groups Reach Out

Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided... Read More

Coping With A Funeral

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or... Read More

Terrorism Worries: 10 Ways to Turn Fear into Hope

September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you.... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds... Read More

Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died.... Read More

How to Deal With A Death in the Family and Still Run Your Small Business

As a small business owner we have to deal with... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel... Read More

Euthanasia: How Will I Know When its Time?

Pippin needed assistance from his owner to get to his... Read More

Am I a Mother - Tips for Handling Mother?s Day After Miscarriage

Are you spending this Mother's Day wondering if you are,... Read More

Miracles?

If we were to organize a list of the thorniest... Read More

Dealing With Tragedies (The 9/11 Tragedy)

September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in... Read More

Why Dont We Talk About Anticipatory Grief?

I know anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before... Read More

Pet Loss: Significant and Profound Loss or Much Ado about Nothing?

For those who have deeply loved and lost their animal... Read More

Death Poem

During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More

Is Death Really the End or the Window to A New Beginning?

Earlier this month I learned a dear friend had been... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own... Read More

The Creative Side of Healing

One of the areas where I seem to be placing... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More

Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so... Read More

Online Memorial ? A Dedication of Love for Your Departed Loved Ones

Life has always been a journey, a journey of finding... Read More

Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where... Read More

Tenderizing

Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate... Read More

Why Does God Allow Suffering?

Justin was a typical ten year old boy. He liked... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 2

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000... Read More

The Twists and Turns of Life

When I was born in 1962 I thought life was... Read More

Afraid Of Dying? Afraid Of Living!

Over the years, I've heard many people voice their concerns... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

Grief Masks

October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me... Read More