When Sorrow Is Too Great to Be Borne Alone, Support Groups Reach Out

Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided to attend a support group program run by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately needed to understand the emotional roller coaster we were on.

So the night of the first support meeting, we drove 30 miles to the church where the meeting was held. The room we walked into had a single row of fold-up chairs arranged in a circle, refreshments on a table, and a friendly woman welcomed us.

We had arrived early; all of the seats were empty. After I glanced at my husband, to make sure he had not turned around and walked out, we sat down quietly on the seats closest to us and to the door.

Shortly after we arrived, a few other people wandered in and took seats also. We nodded at them nervously, wondering if their stories were like ours, wondering if they had nightmares as bad as we did.

And then, the meeting began. The facilitator spoke. She welcomed us all, stated that everyone in the room had lost a loved one, and asked us to introduce ourselves.

One by one, the people present stated their names and briefly told us about why they were there. Some of them shed tears as they talked.

As each one spoke, my mind was trying to take in a situation outside of my experience. How could this be? We thought we were the only ones in the world who were grieving. We were not alone, after all!

For the next couple hours, we talked - and listened. We discovered that some of our feelings matched the feelings of others there. Perhaps we were not abnormal, after all!

Best of all, though, when we said Arlyn's name, and when we said the word suicide, no one blinked an eye! No one got up and walked out, no one replied by saying, Get over it! She's gone! And no one even hinted that it was our fault.

During the meeting, some of us cried. No one tried to stop us. During the meeting, some of us talked about funerals, and no one squirmed. It was amazing.

We were the only ones in the group who had come because of the death of a daughter, and we were the only ones mourning a suicide death, but even then, the connection we felt with others was strong. We were not alone.

By the time we left the meeting, I felt emotionally drained, but that was exactly what I had needed. A safe place to talk, to vent, to connect. A place where I could find someone to walk with me.

That's what a support group is: a safe place. It may be an AA group for those who struggle with alcohol, an abuse group for those who have been victimized by abusers, a group for people addicted to gambling, or a grief group for those who are trying to survive the loss of a loved one by death.

It's a place to go to so you can connect with others who have almost walked in your shoes.

Some support groups are run by professionals. They generally have a program to follow, materials to take home with information, and they are led by people with college degrees. They sometimes encourage people to set goals, and they sometimes offer therapy.

Other support groups are lead by those who have no official certification, but whose experience may teach them more about the common issue than anything they could read about in books.

I have participated in both types of support groups, and I find value in both. They meet different needs in different ways.

I personally think the value of peer-lead support groups are greatly undervalued, however. When people sit in a circle and share their stories and hearts with others who will not pass judgement on them, others who truly do know how they feel, a huge burden is often lifted from their shoulders.

Lifting that emotional burden seems to be the key to survival, the key to living life again - as opposed to being pulled down into deep depression and not finding the strength to come back up.

The best thing about peer lead support groups is that they are free! The worst thing about them is that there are not enough of them around.

Quote of the day:

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding. - Helen Keller

By Karyl Chastain Beal

Mission in life before Arlyn's death was teaching children. Now, it's teaching those left behind after suicide to survive and live again. It's also educating the public about suicide and suicide grief.

Beal is a certified thanatologist via the Association on Death Education and Counseling. Owner if several websites devoted to suicide support and education. Has published writings in Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul, the Journal for the National Alliance on Mentally Ill, Seventeen Magazine and various newspapers.

Arlyn's memorial website - http://virtual-memoria ls.com/servlet/ViewMemorials?memid=7461&pageno=1

Parents of Suicides - http://parentsofsuicide.com

Grieving Parents - http://grieving-parents.com

---

The Walking Wounded

When my phone rang the other day, it was a... Read More

How to Deal with Suicide and Euthenasia

The following is a report that indicates how you might... Read More

Dying at Home ? A Precious Gift

Few of us care to think about the inevitability of... Read More

Dealing With Tragedies (The 9/11 Tragedy)

September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in... Read More

The Grief And Belief Connection

"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to... Read More

Learning to Live Again

Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the... Read More

When Change Comes (Dealing With Grief and Loss)

Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and... Read More

Terminal Illness- Death and Grief

No one likes to think about illness and death, when... Read More

Beyond A Mothers Nightmare To Radical Forgiveness

It was a moment I will never forget.On February 22,... Read More

How Can I Transform Tragedy?

There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that... Read More

The Creative Side of Healing

One of the areas where I seem to be placing... Read More

Pet Loss: Significant and Profound Loss or Much Ado about Nothing?

For those who have deeply loved and lost their animal... Read More

What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift?

When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is... Read More

Made in Heaven

Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of... Read More

Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where... Read More

Afraid Of Dying? Afraid Of Living!

Over the years, I've heard many people voice their concerns... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More

Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo

Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for... Read More

Loss Involves Change - The Transformative Power of Loss and Change

There are many experiences in life, which remind us that... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief

The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into... Read More

Good Grief!

If tears are an indication of how special my relationship... Read More

After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl

Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When... Read More

Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief

When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house,... Read More

Terrorism Worries: 10 Ways to Turn Fear into Hope

September 11th changed America and chances are it changed you.... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death... Read More

Traumas as Social Interactions

("He" in this text - to mean "He" or "She").We... Read More

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of... Read More

The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger

It felt like I had been run over by a... Read More

GoodBye GrandMa

My dearest Grandma, I will never forget you & sorry... Read More

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I... Read More

Suicide Survivor

Suicide is a nightmare for survivors of loved ones. Death... Read More