Pet Loss: Significant and Profound Loss or Much Ado about Nothing?

For those who have deeply loved and lost their animal companions, the answer is obvious and yet disturbing. There are still far too many people in our culture who minimize and trivialize the loss of a pet. They tell the grieving friend, colleague or family member, "What's wrong with you? Get over it. It was only a dog (or cat, bird, horse, etc.) Get yourself a new one! After all, it's been a month already. You shouldn't be so torn up over this."

Having been a grief counselor and a pet loss support group facilitator for many years, I have encountered a wide range of stories from people who have suffered cruel and insensitive statements from those around them, to others who receive wonderful support and unconditional love from their family and friends after the death or disappearance of a beloved animal. The truth is that grieving an animal companion or grieving the loss of a human companion can feel devastating emotionally and encompasses all kinds of feelings: sorrow, depression, anger, confusion, physical pain, guilt and a profound bittersweet love. If you add on the stress of dealing with an unsupportive work, home or social environment that makes you feel guilty or like you're an emotional misfit, the grief process becomes more difficult and complicated.

Animals, like humans, are spiritual beings having an earth-experience. Many people in my pet loss group recognize these spiritual beings as their teachers and healers. Mourning their physical absence in our lives is not only normal, but honors their incredible gifts to us. As most of us know, the grief process has no timetable and is unique to each situation and relationship. As a spiritual experience, it offers the opportunity for positive transformation of self and of giving more meaning and purpose to our lives.

Healing Suggestions

* Allow yourself to feel all your feelings. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to feel deeply. Doing breathing exercises can relax you, and allow your feelings to move more freely. Writing a letter to your pet can ease the pain in your heart.

* Stay connected to others who care about you and understand, as best they can, your attachment. Be receptive to receiving their kindness and help with daily activities, such as shopping or laundry.

* Attend a pet loss support group to help you get through the initial difficult mourning period.

* Be kind to yourself and allow yourself all the time you need to grieve. Nurture your spirit, mind, body and heart with activities, books, movies and friends that uplift and soothe your soul.

* Do your best to stay healthy, through proper nutrition, rest and exercise. This is difficult to do; imagine what your pet would want you to do.

* Honor your animal companion through a memorial service, a tree-planting, community service or helping a friend.

* Plan activities for days that will be especially difficult, such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

* Some depression is a normal grief response. If you feel you are in trouble, have suicidal thoughts or plans, substance abuse problems, or long-term depression, please seek professional help at once. Call your local crisis center.

* Balance negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones, such as "I did the best I knew how for my pet." "I am a loving, compassionate guardian for my animal companions."

* Take walks or interact with nature in some way. Nature heals.

* Don't sweat the small stuff. Allow your perspective on what really counts in life to expand.

Grief is a process that affects not only spirit, but mind, body and heart. As a grief counselor, I focus on strengthening all aspects of self in order to give more balance and integration to the grief journey. As a creative arts therapist, I use a variety of tools for expression and integration that open new vistas and depth to the healing process. Grief is a sacred rite of passage, a doorway to a more loving, compassionate and purposeful life. Move with the energy of grief, rather than fighting it, and you will discover the gifts and treasures that are part of path of healing!

Marcia Breitenbach, M.A., is a licensed counselor, author, speaker, and musician living in Arizona. Check out her books and music CD's at her website http://www.griefandlosshelp.com

---

You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small)

I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral.That sounds... Read More

When Change Comes (Dealing With Grief and Loss)

Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and... Read More

What this Rabbi Learned from Not being Re-hired

It's a familiar story, and I have been through it... Read More

New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary]

New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it... Read More

We are the Reflection of our Lives: How to Survive Loss & Humility

Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face... Read More

Grief Masks

October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me... Read More

Tenderizing

Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate... Read More

Grief

I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped... Read More

Moving Beyond Grief and Loss

In my work as a coach and therapist, I have... Read More

Grief & Loss - Healing Your Broken Heart

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us... Read More

Pope John Paul II

WHAT I LEARNED FROM POPE JOHN PAUL II ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am... Read More

Terminal Illness- Death and Grief

No one likes to think about illness and death, when... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me,... Read More

Liberation

It is one thing to be free; it is quite... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get... Read More

How to Deal With A Death in the Family and Still Run Your Small Business

As a small business owner we have to deal with... Read More

The Lesson of a Mothers Death

Dedicated to my mother, FlorenceNovember 11, 1920 ? May 25,... Read More

Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief

When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house,... Read More

How My Four Your Old Son Reacted To The Death Of His Great Nanny Biscuits

My nan was called Margaret and lived until the age... Read More

You Can Help A Grieving Heart

Oh, we can talk about the best cold medications and... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never... Read More

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can... Read More

And You Always Will

I opened the dishtowel drawer for about the sixth time,... Read More

Dealing With Tragedies (The 9/11 Tragedy)

September 11, 2001, marked yet another significant turning point in... Read More

Graceful Grief: Angelic Help is on the Way!

I believe that major change and loss in our lives... Read More

Grief Support: The Don?ts

1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better.... Read More

What is an Appropriate Sympathy Gift?

When a friend or loved one is grieving, it is... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss... Read More

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to... Read More

When The Spirit Leaves The Body

Do you spend most of your time inside or outside... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own... Read More