Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time.

Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates.

The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved.

I know for myself, nothing could have prepared for me for the crushing sadness I felt during my first post-divorce Christmas.

As a father of two young girls, it was like I was emotionally disconnected from everyone. The joy of the season was something I just switched on, for brief periods, when my little girls were at my house leading up the holidays. When they would leave until their next visit, the joyful glow of the Christmas lights and Christmas tree seemed to turn cruel and I would turn it all off.

It seemed I had an inverse reaction to the level of season joy around me: the higher it was, the worse I felt.

Going to the shopping malls, alone, just intensified the feelings of disconnect, as I watched parades of children that weren't mine, going through the usual excited frenzy.

I remember sitting on my couch, alone in the dark, watching movies on Christmas Eve, counting down the hours until the girls arrived on Christmas Day at Noon.

In the middle of the night of that first Christmas Eve, I reached my lowest of lowest and for the briefest of seconds, dark thoughts crossed my alcohol free mind about putting an end to the pain.

Mercifully, I did nothing except scare myself. In fact, because now I appreciated how intense all of the feelings were, I knew I needed a plan to get through the season the next time.

From that point on, I came up with the following five step plan.

Step 1 ? Do not be alone. You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whoever. The Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you (I know).

Step 2 ? Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance. I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. We actually had a house party on Christmas Eve the next year because no one had their kids. Everyone had a few laughs, cursed the Exs and yearned for their kids, together. It actually was a great feeling to be in that group.

Step 3 ? Do not feel guilty. Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that?

Step 4 ? Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank. This really helped me appreciate that even in my sadness, I still had food and a home and there were people way worse off then I was.

Step 5 ? Don't be so hard on yourself. From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you.

That can be further complicated by the game of trying to keep up with whatever your Ex Spouse is able to provide for kids during the season. This one can be really hard too.

Over my 5 single Christmas seasons, I learned a whole new way of appreciating the season.

I started to celebrate the fact that I was surviving on my own, learning to live my life differently and being a fantastic father every 2nd week.

Christmas became less about gifts and more about patting myself on the back for keeping it all together.

That attitude shift made a world of difference.

I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember.

======================================================
Drew Harris is now happily re-married and runs http://single-christians.net, a one-stop-shop relationship portal for Christians and like-minded people. It features hundreds of pages on dating, love and marriage. Start building your successful relationship today. http://tinyurl.com/44pc9

---

Divorce--Getting Legal Help Without Paying Exorbitant Attorneys Fees

Ignorance is the most common trap in the business of... Read More

Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation

If you are reading this, then you are probably either... Read More

Rebuilding Your Life from the Ashes

One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

An In-Depth Look at Army Divorce Rates

Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More

Effects of Divorce on Children

When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous... Read More

9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when... Read More

Contested And Uncontested Divorce

A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree... Read More

There Is Life After Divorce

A married woman becomes a single woman for one of... Read More

Choosing Your Divorce Method

The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them

What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to... Read More

Divorce and Separation - A Child?s Perspective

It is always the children that suffer the most when... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Two Hearts Are Now One

It is fitting that I should write this story on... Read More

Joint Bank Accounts and Divorce

Here are some useful tips on joint bank accounts and... Read More

Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works

The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal... Read More

Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?

Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're... Read More

Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children

All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending... Read More

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but... Read More

The Heart Moves On: Using Ceremony to Mark the End of a Relationship

Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a... Read More

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More

Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce

Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money... Read More

Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age... Read More

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any... Read More

How to Recover From Divorce

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many... Read More

Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do

Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment... Read More

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide

Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly... Read More

Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process

The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for... Read More

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a... Read More

Healing Dysfunctional Families

In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We... Read More

A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce

I thought I would never feel the light of life... Read More

How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce

Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to... Read More