Mr. Cheapies Frugal Budget Tips

So you feel like a hamster spinning your wheel? The faster you run, the faster the wheel spins. Just when you get a raise, you notice the price of hamster wheels jumps!

Mr. Cheapie is here with his super-charged budget-cutting tips.

One of the biggest wastes of money is restaurant meals. You can cook a meal at home for about 2 cents a plate. Just put leftovers in the microwave, and Presto!

Those same leftovers cost a lot more at a restaurant. They call it "the buffet", and they sell it to you for $10.95.

Consider also the steak dinner that costs, say, $7 at home. At the restaurant, you pay $13.95 for the same meal. Or, if you want fancy napkins, $39.95.

Plus tax.

Funny thing about eating at home; you don't pay tax. But step into a restaurant, and guess who jumps in: "Hello, my name is Taxman. I'll be your waiter tonight. Would you like to start with something to drink? Perhaps a very nice glass of wine? That will be 50 cents, plus the price of the wine, of course."

"Why would you tax my wine?" Mr. Cheapie wonders. "It's not like the government made it."

"Who do you think keeps this country free and safe so that you can enjoy your wine?" Taxman demands. "Do you think Saddam Hussein would let you drink wine if he was still in power?"

"I don't see how he could stop me."

"Hah!" Taxman replies. "He has spies everywhere. He knows you drink wine and he has targeted this very bottle to self destruct."

"Actually, I don't drink wine. His spies must run on the same technology as his scud missiles," Mr. Cheapie muses. "How about a steak dinner?"

"An excellent choice," Taxman beams. "That will be $1.73, plus the price of the meal."

"Now what?" Mr. Cheapie demands. "Are you saying that Saddam is targeting my steak."

"Of course not," Taxman giggles. "We have him locked away. But watch out for North Korea."

"Why?"

"North Koreans are starving," Taxman explains. "They don't have steaks."

"Ah, so the North Korean government wants to take my steak and give it to their citizens."

"Not a chance. That would violate the official North Korean policy of starvation for all. They would never feed your steak to the people. But they would hold it up to taunt them," Taxman grins. "Then they would throw it into the fire to fuel a nuclear missile trained on this very table you are sitting at."

"Which is why you need to tax my steak."

"Exactly," Taxman nods.

"It's like a security deposit."

"That's right," Taxman smiles.

"It's protection money."

"You understand," Taxman winks.

"It's your tip."

"That's what I sa ... no it's not! It's national defense," Taxman insists.

At home, you never have to tip the microwave. But, at the restaurant, your waiter expects 15%.

Mr. Cheapie has discovered a legal loophole to save 15% on your restaurant bill. According to a national Mr. Cheapie survey, your plate usually has 15% too much food on it. Set aside 15% of your meal. When your waiter comes to collect his tip, pay him in food. Your waiter raved about today's special, so Mr. Cheapie is sure he will appreciate having some for himself.

If Taxman is your waiter, don't actually give him the food. Just taunt him with it -- then mail it to North Korea. Then they won't have to blow up your table to get it themselves. Why pay for national defense when the postal service can protect your freedom to eat for just the cost of a stamp?

Aren't you glad Mr. Cheapie offers such useful, free advice?

About The Author

David Leonhardt - sign up for his weekly satire column up at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html or read more columns at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/self-actualization-articles.html.

Join in the happiness at http://www.thehappyguy.com, info@thehappyguy.com

---

How to Deal with Bill Collectors

So you've screwed up. You're drowning in debt. Maybe the... Read More

Yes to Less Debt

Feeling stressed by the amount of debts you have? Three... Read More

What is Bankruptcy?

Personal bankruptcy is a legal way to give people with... Read More

The Debt Free Lifestyle

Many people have been taught that you cannot get ahead... Read More

Reduce Your Debt With These 5 Tips

It's never pleasant to realize that you're in financial hot... Read More

Corporate Debt Management ? Perspective on the Why

Entrepreneurs have a tough time in their formative years. They... Read More

Benefits and Drawbacks of Bankruptcy

Outlined below are some of the benefits and drawbacks of... Read More

Out of Credit Card Debt - Without Filing Bankruptcy

To be out of credit card debt is your dream... Read More

Tips For Saving Money

Still living from pay to pay? Or envying those great... Read More

Help to Get Out of Debt

Debt Help is the stepping stone to debt elimination and... Read More

Your Ticket Out of Debt Relief

If you are in debt over your head and wondering... Read More

Eliminate Your Credit Card Debt, But How?

Can a debt consolidation loan eliminate your credit card debt?... Read More

Get Debt Free

If you once have been caught in the debt trap,... Read More

Debt Problems? You Can Negotiate With Your Creditors

It is always possible to negotiate with creditors ? even... Read More

How to Get Triple A Credit in 25 Days

Good credit is everyone's dream. A wise use of credit... Read More

Fast Track Out of Debt

You go to the mail box and scan - a... Read More

Learn How to Get out of Debt

Debt is becoming number one problem in the United States... Read More

What is Bankruptcy?

Here is a useful guide to bankruptcy. It should be... Read More

Debt Collectors; And what you can do to Get Them Out of your Life

FTC opinion letter on validation Section 809(a) of the FDCPA,... Read More

How Do You Spell Debt Relief?

Of all the problems possible in a marriage, finances cause... Read More

New Bankruptcy Law Will Not Protect You from Identity Theft

Recently passed by Congress with overwhelming support, the oddly-named Bankruptcy... Read More

Save Money When Going Out

It seems as though whenever we go out for the... Read More

Personal Bankruptcy ? If Its Unavoidable, File Now

The Bankruptcy Abuse and Consumer Protection Act, signed into law... Read More

Stop Debt Collectors

Can you stop debt collectors ? . . .You better... Read More

New Bankruptcy Law ? Where?s the Consumer Protection?

On April 20, 2005, President Bush signed into law the... Read More

Bankruptcy Reform

There are some new bankruptcy laws going into effect before... Read More

Bankruptcy: Who is to Blame?

If you are considering bankruptcy as a solution to your... Read More

How to Become Debt Free

In today's consumer society it is all too easy to... Read More

Is Filing for Bankruptcy an Option for You?

Bankruptcy laws give debtors a way to resolve debt by... Read More

The Five Most Popular Questions About Bankruptcy

WILL MY CREDITORS STOP HARASSING ME?Yes, they will! By law,... Read More

5 Ways to Get Out of Debt

It has been said that everyday more and more people... Read More

What Does A Bankruptcy Trustee Do?

Once you file bankruptcy a court appointed bankruptcy trustee will... Read More

Do It Yourself Debt Relief

With mounting bills and unforeseen hardships, you may be considering... Read More