Is it Lust or Love -- How to Tell the Difference

Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse lust for love. Physical attraction alone will not withstand the test of time in relationships. Physical attraction is an important factor but must never be the only factor you rely upon when choosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing lust and love and end up broken-hearted when the relationship doesn't last.

Perhaps you're wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of that person dominate your mind a good portion of the day and night. Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you will be together again. When you are together you can't keep your hands off one another and when you're apart, you fantasize about the next time you can see one another. True love and lust are easily confused because they are so much alike.

As a rule of thumb, if you share few other interests and have nothing in common other than an overwhelming physical desire for one another...it may be lust. If you have nothing of real value to say to one another and have difficulty relating to one another outside the sexual arena...it may be lust. If you don't particularly enjoy one another's company unless you're having sex...it may be lust.

On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factors other than physical attraction and sex is not necessarily the number one priority...it may be love. Most long-term relationships are built on a strong friendship which turns into love over time. Having sex is not the driving force behind the relationship, but is a nice sideline to it.

There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". It happens to many people and the relationship may last for the rest of their lives. A budding relationship based on lust feels much the same as one which is truly "love at first sight". So how do you tell the difference?

Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question carefully and really think about it before answering. When answering, try to be as truthful as possible. If you can honestly and sincerely answer "yes" to all or nearly all of the questions, it may be safe to assume what you feel for the other person is actually love and not merely lust.

Keep in mind, these questions are quite general and are in no way a total and complete checklist.

1. Do you share similar ethics, values, and morals?

2. Do you find it easy to talk to one another and can you talk freely about almost anything?

3. Do you enjoy the time you spend with one another, regardless of the activity?

4. Do you enjoy even the most mundane activities when you are together, simply because you ARE together?

5. Do you have a genuine concern for the happiness, safety, and well-being of the other person?

6. Are you able to work out any differences you may have with this person to the satisfaction of both of you?

7. When disagreements arise, are you able to discuss them openly and frankly without losing your temper?

8. Do you find yourself longing for this person's presence in your life in terms other than a sexual relationship? In other words, do you feel a need simply to be with that person and spend time with them even without having sex?

9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes, and generally have fun together?

10. Does spending time with this person make you feel good about yourself?

11. Does this person give you a heightened sense of self-confidence and vitality?

12. Can you look at this person even when they are at their worst in their physical appearance (such as when they are sick) and not feel repulsed?

13. Do you share a strong mutual respect for one another?

14. Are you willing and able to share both good times and bad with this person and work through life's ups and downs together as a team?

There is a very fine line between lust and love because the two of them are closely related. Being able to tell the difference can save you from wasting your time pursuing an unhealthy relationship which is doomed to eventual failure.

If your long-term goal is to seek out a partner with whom you can build a solid, lifetime commitment, knowing the difference between lust and love is an essential and vital skill you'll want to master. Learning to accept a relationship for what it really is can mean the difference between a broken heart and a happy, fulfilling, lifetime of bliss with your partner.

Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved

Deborah Willis is the author of ATTRACT WOMEN -- The Average Man's Guide to Attracting, Dating, Loving, and Maintaining Relationships with Women. For more down-to-earth advice for men visit ATTRACT WOMEN

This article may be freely reprinted as long as the article resource is left intact and there is a live link to the author's web site.

---

3 Reasons Why Inner Game Will Help Your Love Life

What Does `Inner Game` Mean?`Inner Game` is what we call... Read More

10 Fast Ways to Re-Igniting Romance

Research shows that people who put each other down and... Read More

How To Make Date Conversation

What do you talk about on a date? Is it... Read More

Dos and Donts for Men on Dating Sites

Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.Being... Read More

Are You Up For The Challenge

Back in 2004, I met a gentleman who was interested... Read More

The Best Way to Pick Up a Girl

You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But... Read More

So, How Big is Your Penis?

As a result of dating for decades and chatting with... Read More

Six Things Every Christian Single Should Know Before Dating Online (Part One)

Years ago, online dating had a reputation that was less... Read More

First Date ? Tips for Women

You are on your way to your first date with... Read More

Dating Mistakes

Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you... Read More

Compatibility

Harsh words, hurting comments, tears and flying household objects -... Read More

How to Finally Approach the Women You Lust for

We've all been there. You have been meeting her accidentally... Read More

Dating Tool: Confidence 101

I'm over it. "There's plenty of fish in the sea,"... Read More

Dating Service Tools for Individuals Seeking Singles Online for Fun, Friendship and Marriage

If you're wondering what it means by dating service and... Read More

How to Be a Great First Date

Okay, you've scored a date with a sexy somebody for... Read More

Online Dating Safety Tips

Online dating is as safe, and in some ways safer... Read More

Got Attitude?

Probably you do have attitude, but what is it? Jaded,... Read More

Building Self Confidence

The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires... Read More

The Joy Of Dating Again: Self-Empowering Keys

For some, the idea of dating again can be intimidating... Read More

Love Discrimination

Why is it people, especially the media, thinks that looking... Read More

Online Dating Service! Is Matchmaking On The Internet Right For You?

Online dating service! Is it right for you? That would... Read More

How to Flirt and Never Get Rejected!

When it comes to flirting, you can get your point... Read More

Dating Relationships and Your Future

How Your Dating Life Could Affect Your MarriageIf you've ever... Read More

True Love And Chemistry: Exploring Myth And Reality

When you think about the qualities found in a true... Read More

Self-Esteem

It begins with you, and your attitude. There are a... Read More

It Pays For Single Christians To Date Other Like-Minded People

Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's... Read More

Body Language

Next to your internal mindset (which should be relaxed, confident,... Read More

Online Dating - Top Tips for Success!

A few months ago I became single again after a... Read More

Online Dating: 4 Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

Did you catch the dating mistakes made during episode one... Read More

The Huge Advantages of Online Dating

Imagine the joy of finding the love of your life,... Read More

1 Step You Should Take to Alleviate Anxiety When Meeting Women

Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to... Read More

Safe Cyber Dating

Cyber dating is one of the most popular dating venues... Read More

Dating Online ? Can Be Less Stressful

Dating is a challenge at any age and for both... Read More