Dating Advice: Should You Play With Madness?

I have a friend with a big problem, a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional, and he can't figure out why. Actually, most of the women he dates aren't merely dysfunctional, they're psychotic.

In fact, when came to me for some dating advice, he told a story about the last woman he dated, how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended, one day calling him a "Nazi," the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke, this is a true story.

However, this is NOT the first woman like this he's dated. In fact, most women he's dated are like this. Now, you might think this guy is bad looking and broke, a complete loser who just can't "do any better." The truth, though is this: the guy's 6'2", in good shape, could pose for GQ, and does very well financially. And, he can be a fun, witty guy to hang out with. Why then, did this guy come to me for dating advice?

There are actually several answers to this question (and we don't have time to cover all of them today), but many of them have to do with what's called "map/model of the world," both his and theirs. We'll talk about his in a later episode-for now, just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously he's got some work to do on his inner world, and he is taking my dating advice seriously, but for now let's talk about map/model of the women he dates.

Just what is "map/model" of the world, and how will this help your dating? It's simply how each individual human being views the world-the sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this. Let's say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it, but I like it. Why? Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the "input" (in this case the song) was exactly the same, the "output" (our reaction to the song) was different. Our "maps" create the differing output. How we view the world is different. How each man responds to my dating advice is different.

When you're screening women to see if they're worth spending time with, you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why? Because how they've behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior they've exhibited is bad, their future behavior will be worse. (Take my dating advice on this one!)

When my friend told me during this dating advice session about his experience with this "crazy woman" I asked how they met, what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine, simply based on what she said to him, that she was a "nonstarter", someone I would NEVER start a dating relationship with. Why? Because she'd described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past relationships. But, since he wasn't actively uncovering her map/model of the world, and making decisions based on it, he got into a horrible relationship. I would have avoided dating her completely.

So just how do you uncover a woman's map? By asking, "elicitation questions" and actively listening. You want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships. Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked, I simply asked her about her online dating experiences. Over and over she said, "oh he kept following me, but he was a loser." Then I asked her about her relationships, and she kept talking about how guys "cheated on her all the time." How did she know they were cheating, I asked? Well, she said, because I would drive by their houses, and strange cars would be in the driveway. My dating advice to anyone who exhibits this attitude is... don't walk, run!

Now, if I'd pursued ANY type of dating relationship with this woman, what do you think the outcome would have been? She would have driven by my house, looking for "strange cars" and then she would have accused me of "cheating." And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to "confront me." Why? Because that's what she did with all the guys who "cheated on her."

Obviously I never met with her again, even though she was cute. But many guys not heeding this very important nugget of dating advice would have, because they were paying attention to looks, not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.

Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop, and some of the best dating advice I can give anyone. You will find that uncovering someone's map of the world will save you much frustration. So? I've got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow, actively listen for

other people's maps. Get them to tell you stories, and listen for recurring patterns of behavior, both good and bad. Develop this skill, and utilize it, and you'll be able to avoid a lot of heartache, and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

About the Author: John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You", is author of the "Women Approach You" system at http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at http://www.johnalanis.com

---

Why Attractive Women Meet Me Online..

Why attractive women meet men online.It's a common question that... Read More

Should You Consider an Internet Romance?

Carly's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed... Read More

Hes So Not Into You

These are words women don't want to hear when they're... Read More

Dress for Dating Success: Clothes to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

In order to attract the man of your dreams, it... Read More

Dating Dilemma: The Man Who Said Hed Call and Didnt

You went out with the guy. You both had a... Read More

Online Dating - Six Ways to Protect Your Privacy in Cyberspace

Online dating is becoming more and more mainstream, as people... Read More

10 Secrets to Online Dating Success

Online dating is a new way to find friends or... Read More

Christian Singles: Questions To Keep Your Spirit Alive

With special events like Valentine's Day coming and going each... Read More

Basic SMS Tips for Picking Up the Women of Your Dreams

I don't know if the craze of SMS has caught... Read More

What Do You Do on Valentines Day When You Have 1000 Girlfriends!

Valentine's Day was initially an outgrowth of an ancient Roman... Read More

Say My Name

Surely you remember that famous line from American Pie, when... Read More

Take Your Time

How long do you think it takes to really get... Read More

Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles

Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat.... Read More

8 Minute Dating - For Singles with No Time for Small Talk

You will get to a certain age where, no matter... Read More

Use The Boyfriending Technique To Get The Girl

In order for a typical woman to have sex with... Read More

1000 Proof Liquor

Each and every woman is an actress in their own... Read More

Great Tips For A Safe Online Dating Experience

Dating can be scary no matter how or where you... Read More

Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr / Ms Right

Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you... Read More

Web Spinning

I've been toying around with this technique that I call... Read More

10 Tips for Seniors Dating Online

We would like to take a few minutes of your... Read More

Online Dating, Why Not?

So, you're looking to meet that "special someone". You have... Read More

Online Dating: 4 Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

Did you catch the dating mistakes made during episode one... Read More

First Date ? Tips for Men

You are on your way to your first date with... Read More

Unlock Your Inner Diva for Dating Success

There's something sexy about a powerful, take-charge woman who knows... Read More

When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love

Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More

You Dont Have To Be A Genius To Write A Love Poem

Love poems are a wonderfully romantic gesture and can often... Read More

Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?

Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one... Read More

Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout!

We know one of the hardest part of creating your... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Set Appropriate Expectations for Dating

1) Give yourself time to get back into the groove... Read More

Choosing an Online Dating Service

The task of choosing the best dating site to join... Read More

Online Dating For Dummies

Whether you have been dating for years, getting back in... Read More

How To Choose a Dating Service

There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if... Read More

Dating Options for Christian Singles

As a Christian, you understand that to visit bars, nightclubs,... Read More