The Perfect Person

"When you truly look for me, You will find me." Kabir

We all want love. Then, when we get it, we become afraid and start to run in the opposite direction. On the one hand we are searching for love, searching for some lasting relationship. On the other hand, we are relieved when the person goes away.

It always "seems" as if relationships are difficult. They seem difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy.Yet, the fundamental truth is: there is no inherent problem with relationships. There is never a scarcity of relationships. There is never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition, why aren't we

The most common answer to this question is that we must find the perfect person. There is always something wrong with the people we meet. We have not yet found the "right" person, who can make us really happy. Or, if we have found him/her, that person has now left us and nobody will ever take their place again.

At this point we still believe that another person can make us happy. But, all right, let us look for a moment at what we're dreaming of. Take a moment to see clearly who this perfect person is to you. Sit down and write a description of how you would imagine your perfect partner to be. Let yourself daydream. Write down all the qualities such a person would have.

Now, write a paragraph describing how you would have to be in order to have such a partner. (Daydreams have power). Just doing this exercise you may begin to laugh. There may be wild discrepancies between how you see yourself now and how you feel your wouldhave to be to hold such a perfect partner.

What else might you discover? You might also discover that you do not really like this perfect person after all. He/she may only be some kind of ego-ideal. (Someone to build up your own self-image).

An attitude like this is based upon non-acceptance of who and what we really are.When we use another person to build up our own self-image, this kind of relationship is grounded in fear.

Love can never be built upon a foundation that is not real. If we do not feel good within ourselves, is it really so surprising we may not really be so eager, after all, for this perfect

There are many ways people keep love away. Some constantly fall into relationships only with difficult people. In this manner they insure that they will either be rejected, or have to reject the other. Rejection can feel more comfortable and familiar than the experience of love. Take a long, hard, good look at this. Look at what it is in you that feels it must keep love away. We cannot be open to love and relationship until we are able to release our fear of and desire for rejection. Once this pattern is dealt with, all of life opens its many doors.

As this happens it is inevitable to realize that love is free, it flows everywhere. It flows to everyone regardless of their qualities. Love has nothing to do with any images or fantasies of how somebody else "should be", or how we "should be" either.

Each person is the perfect person just as they are. When you begin finding the beauty in everyone, then the right one for you just walks through the door. .

Start today. Look around for a moment. See who is really in your life. Look at this person. Are you willing to love them? Really? What will happen if they start to love you too? Anything we can't love or accept in another, is a mirror of something we can't love or accept in our ourselves. All it takes is one moment to decide to turn that around. Try for a moment. See how wonderful it feels.

Here is a lovely exercise. Close your eyes, look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Open your eyes a moment. Close them again, and look at yourself now through your own eyes. Open your eyes. Can you choose to look at yourself and others, through the eyes of someone who loves them? If you can, you will be amazed at all the love that starts flowing to you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D., psychologist, speaker and author is a long term Zen practitioner whose work integrates Zen and everyday life. The relationship expert on i.village.com, she is the author of many books. The most recent is Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life), http://www.livingbyzen.com. She is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles, (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and many other books. She can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com -

---

Online Dating - Is Music the Food of Love?

"If music be the food of love, play on". So... Read More

Dating: How & Where To Meet Single, Alluring, Sexy & Beautiful Women Of Your Dreams

Are you a lonely man?When was the last time you... Read More

Online Dating

Dating has become easier for everyone due to the emergence... Read More

Great Dating Advice: 7 Universal Laws for Singles

The Law of the Right PersonWhile most of us put... Read More

Dating Online in Safety

Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More

Avoiding the Grand Manipulator

Let's face it...some women can be ruthless. There are certain... Read More

Online Dating Safety

Online dating safety warning signs.Online dating is a brilliant and... Read More

A Date With A Stranger

Well, I have decided to move forward once again. I... Read More

How to Create A Romantic Dinner for Two on a Pontoon Boat

Before you pick up the phone to make reservations for... Read More

Instant Dating Strategies Anyone Can Use

Most of us walk around caught up in our own... Read More

Conversation Starters Can Save Your First Date

Conversation starters can literally save your life on a first... Read More

Change Your Body Language to Be Relaxed When Approaching Somebody New

Get a Girl To Seduce You By Changing Your Body... Read More

5 Quick Ways to Find Your Next Date

Overwhelmed with family, school, work and volunteer obligations, woman are... Read More

Do You Desire Love and Marriage? How Should You Prepare Yourself?

The rate of new love and marriages is rising as... Read More

10 Tips for Succeding in Dating!

Generally the most important step when dating someone is the... Read More

A Nice Guys Guide to Dating Success

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had... Read More

Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

Would you like to discover Easy and Creative ideas to... Read More

Love Notes: What DoYou Mean? Secrets of Clear Communication

Recently a man I had met through match.com sent me... Read More

Public Displays of Affection: How to Fake It

You see it all the time, and it makes you... Read More

Male and Swinging Single

As a single male trying to enter into the lifestyle... Read More

Using the Internet as a Method for Adult Dating

In this day and age, many find it hard to... Read More

Online Dating

The online dating world today can be a confusing place... Read More

Looks or Heart?

No matter how you want to spin it, beautiful people... Read More

Dating Rules - Dress Nicely

Wear good clothes, e.g. a good shirt and a tie.... Read More

Four Dating Rules You Must Know To Transform Your Love Life

Dating is the first step to love. I am going... Read More

8 Steps to Scoring Big in a Bar

If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar... Read More

Love Could Be An Errand Away

You have signed up on several large dating sites and... Read More

Long Distance Dating: Romantic or Frantic?

It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. She's... Read More

When Should You Give Up on Chasing a Woman?

This week I want to discuss chasing women, or rather... Read More

Building Self Confidence

The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires... Read More

Making The Connection: Tips For Getting Noticed

Chances are that you have had a wide variety of... Read More

Are Parents Still Stopping You from Having a Girlfriend?

There are a lot of young men who find it... Read More

8 Things That Maketh Not The Lady

1. Tattoos.Tattoos used to be the colouring of soldiers, sailors,... Read More