e-Matchmaking: Can a Computer Program Find Love For You?

I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a "perfect match" for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single - gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.

The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you're done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do.

Remember the Broadway play "Fiddler on The Roof"? You might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was "matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match?" The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.

But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that "playing with matches, a girl can get burned".

So, do these tests really work?

Personality tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types of tests. "The Big Five" theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a foundation. Others go the "Big Three" route, which does away with the "openness" and "agreeableness" dimensions - mostly because it's easier to remember.

I joke a little about these theories, but the truth is that they've survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex person. That's a tall order.

People have impulsive behavior that simply can't be measured when they're sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life situations can be far different than we'd expect.

Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who's empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful ? and yet we're not attracted. Often we can't explain why we like another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile ? even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.

Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer program can't solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, "the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed". It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.

If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that isn't trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.

Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don't expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right relationship.

Next time you're brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that amazing person? That's your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person for you.

Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of ToolsToLife.com. . His new program OnlineDatingKit.com teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own.

---

Online Dating - Is Music the Food of Love?

"If music be the food of love, play on". So... Read More

How To Approach Women

Now, let's start at the very beginning, what's the first... Read More

Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers

Dear Relationship Coach-"We met online and seemed to hit it... Read More

Online Dating Tips for the Digital Age of Romance

We are romantic creatures. We are social creatures. With these... Read More

Overcoming Your Nervousness About Talking to Women

Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has... Read More

Reading People: Body Language Briefing

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the... Read More

Finding Compatible E-Dates

In the world of online dating misrepresentation is at an... Read More

10 Reasons to Use Online Dating Sites

There are many more reasons than just ten that I... Read More

Googling for Love

Google: (GOO.gul) v. To use an Internet search engine such... Read More

Dating Mistakes

Dating mistakes can kill a dating relationship. Do you know... Read More

Is Online Dating For You After A Divorce?

Until Death Do You Part?That certainly was a lie. Your... Read More

Getting The Most From A Romantic Relationship

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a... Read More

Use Dating To Your Benefit

The easy way to date is really by empowering yourself.... Read More

Table For Two Please!

I recently heard a woman say that she would not... Read More

Attract the Love of Your Life

Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to... Read More

Should You Consider an Internet Romance?

Carly's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed... Read More

Dating at Midlife: Whats First?

More American women over 45 are single, than ever before.... Read More

How To Have Sex On A First Date

Guys have all different motives for trying to be successful... Read More

Online Dating Safety - Tackling Internet Crime

Online dating is a great way to contact and meet... Read More

The Truth About Women Revealed

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to... Read More

Donald Trump and the Apprentice Rules Applied to Dating

I was reading an article about the Apprentice and some... Read More

Compatibility

Harsh words, hurting comments, tears and flying household objects -... Read More

What is Confident Rapport?

The majority of theories on how to pick up girls... Read More

Coming Out... As an Internet Dater

A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a... Read More

8 Deadly Dating Mistakes To Avoid!

Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you... Read More

How to Overcome The Fear of Rejection

Feeling uncomfortable in the stomach, cold sweaty palm, trembling of... Read More

Web Cams: Windows on the World

The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience... Read More

How to Tell if a Single Woman is Really Interested in You

It's very important to learn how a single woman acts,... Read More

7 Habits of Highly Successful Dating

1) Don't look at other womenWhile dating, focus your attention... Read More

How To Write A Successful Personal Ad

No one would know how good you are if you... Read More

Long Distance Dating: Romantic or Frantic?

It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. She's... Read More

Impress Your Date: Proper Grooming Tips For Him

So you have scored the date, she has agreed to... Read More

Dating Advice: Common Interest Results in Happy Marriages

How often do your married friends complain about husbands who... Read More